[Critique Group 1] February 2023 critiques

[Deanna Noriega]

Marcia,

Two minor typos: mid-Air, (the word air doesn't need a capital letter.

Matched stride should be strides since you are talking about to people.

I liked the pacing of this chapter. The two young women exhibit their
differences again. Veronica is confident everything will fall-out as she
wishes, while Claudia isn't sure at all.

This chapter works.

 

I think the title would be better as 

Mixed Signals

Bray makes me think of donkeys or mules, not geese, I think of their sound
as honks or cries.

You have three uses of way close together. You might change the middle one
and say:

Can't decide a direction to fly.

 

Sally

I think you have a typo in the title, did you mean restoration?

Lovely poem of dreaming and resting, hibernation until spring. Lovely
lyrical.

 

Cleora

I thought both your first and then second haiku were good but you don't
mention what the nature element they describe is in words. I thought the
first one might be ants but the second one might be a flock of finches. I
like your explanation of the Acrobat Ants and think Charles Portolano might
like a brief paragraph about your inspiration.

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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