[Critique Group 1] Marcia's Feb comments

[Marcia Wick]

Cleora

Tiny Acrobats

 

Punctuation:  needs a period.

Choose my house as their tree.

Or

tiny acrobats 

a satellite tree in mind

choose my house as their tree

or

Small acrobat ants

Seeking a satellite tree

Choose my house as home.

 

 

Deanna

Writing Wisdom

 

Worthwhile musings, very polished

 

Avoid "it":  I usually decide that it is to make the world a little better
place for having been born in to it.

Try:  I usually decide that my purpose is to make the world a little better
place for having been born into it.

 

Good line:  There are more activities with which to fill my hours than there
are minutes in them.

 

Singular?:  which directions

Try:  which direction

 

Switched from first person:  If you look around and explore your options,
one need never feel bored or unconnected to the greater scheme of things.
There you have it. My blueprint for living your best life. What is more,
exper

Try:  If I look around and explore my options, I need never feel bored or
unconnected to the greater scheme of things. There you have it-a blueprint
for living my best life. 

 

 

Leonard

Mixed Signs

 

Title suggestion:  Mixed Signals

 

Use comma:  Nights are raw and days still chilly. 

Try:  Nights are raw and days still chilly,

 

Plural:  normally seen as harbinger of Spring. 

Try:  normally seen as harbingers of Spring. 

 

Verb tense:  boning up on calcium for their ovum,

Try:  bone up on calcium for their ovum,

 

Comma?:  They say not so fast.

Try:  They say, not so fast.

 

Nice comparison:  like the geese, I know not which way it goes. 

Which way to go?

 

 

Sally

Restoration

 

Reword:  Waking, I shuffle toward the kitchen,

Try:  Awake, I shuffle toward the kitchen,

 

Good job capturing your thoughts in clean uncluttered way

 

 

 

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