[Critique Group 1] August Group 1 2022 critiques

[Deanna Noriega]

Cleora,

I liked the ending scene between Ginger and Misty. I think there is too
abrupt a move from the girls getting ready for bed and waking up with a full
blown plan. It reads like an outline unless you fill-in a bit of how the
family come to agree on the plans the sisters have presented, rather than a
logical progression.

 

Sally,

"repair n organ" The letter n should be the word an. I feel your sense of
disconnection and lonliness in facing serious health issues pretty much
alone, except for your cat. The friends you care for are far away. It isn't
morbid, just honest and real.

 

Leonard,

The phrase, 'to  enhance  mutual awareness" doesn't really work. I think
what you meant was more like "to achieve true communication.

You used gentle twice in your last two lines. Perhaps try a loving touch?

 

Marcia,

One typo when you wrote "the call was costing me six dollars a minutes,"
doesn't need the letter S. I am not sure this chapter advances your story
much except to show why Veronica seems so self-centered. It would appear she
had to be that way, given her upbringing. Children adapt to survive their
environment.

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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