[Critique Group 1] Group 1 critiques for April 2022

[Deanna Noriega]

April 27th Critique Session

 

Cleora,

There was no title-on the version I received.

No need for the comma after ceiling.

No need for the comma after problem.

When Misty thinks, there should be some sort of markers to indicate her
thoughts.

Use a semi-colon instead of the period after (thought).

(walking beside her) is confusing. It sounds as if the cane is walking
beside Misty or the woman. Perhaps A woman walking beside the speaker
replied,  You don't indicate if the first speaker is male or female, so you
could have either one walking with a cane but phrase it using a support
cane. 

(What is he doing here), needs a question mark

(Frowning, The nurse set the tray on the table. The word (The) before nurse,
doesn't need a capital letter.

(she put the tray down) needs to be deleted, as she already put the tray
down in the previous sentence.

You need to change the comma after Christmas to a question mark.

I liked this beginning to this part of your book. It would be a great one to
finish and get published for a Christmas book release. You posed lots of
clues and questions. This is looking to be a tighter more focused book than
the duck adventures tale.

 

Marcia,

Workplace Rivalry

(Drowning, Claudia?") only needs one set of question marks and closing
quotes.

It's fun catching your occasional typo, makes me feel better about my own!

Moves the story along with a touch of threat.

 

Leonard,

Did you intend this to be the account of a suicide by drowning?

I liked the peacefulness of the first part. 

The imagery was lovely. There was a bit of confusion about whether it was
nightfall with the moon, mists or twilight. Take a look at the lines and see
if you could perhaps start with twilight, proceed to moonlight and have the
mists come last as if the rose as the night proceeded.

 

 

Sally,

When you describe the colors of the roses, shouldn't the reds be singular to
match the other colors you mention?

I am not sure, but there appears to be a space between pines and perhaps a
comma followed by a space and the word I. 

My favorite poet strikes again, presenting a perfect word photo of a
particular scene. Brava

 

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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