[Critique Group 1] Cleora's April notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

comments for Marsha
maybe there is some way you can reveal that Claudia is with veronica in her office before it is mentioned several lines down.
That is, in case the reader doesn't know this from the previous chapter.
My copy had 3 blank lines between the 1st & 2nd paragraph.
Is Shelly  Michelle's nickname?
I'm ok with multiple names for a character, but who is being referred to should be clear to the reader.
Maybe the guy that later calls her Shelly has a relationship with Melissa and we hear him call her that earlier.
Good job of describing the activity in the warehouse.
Why weren't the visitors issued ear plugs & goggles?
OSHA was established 4/28/1971
Whether OSHA required it for visitors or not, it could be the policy of the company to provide them.
It would be bad PR for a visitor to suffer injury as a result of the visit.
sentence "speaking of biting the dust... has 2 question mark quotes at the end
uh oh - didn't Veronica lock her office? 
The note leaver has a key?
had locked the door, hadn’t I? Hadn’t I just unlocked 
seems awkward to me. 
show stress from Veronica and uncertainty.
I'm sure I locked this door. didn't you see me unlock it just now?
tension builder. Concern. someone has access to Veronica's office.
I recommend looking carefully at the script.
Who could have placed the note while they were on tour?
Could someone have slipped the note in before Veronica locked the office.
Later, when it is revealed what happened, you don't want the reader to say "No, s/he couldn't have done it because..."
I can almost see Claudia and Veronica sharing some kind of expression as Claudia leaves.
Maybe Claudia could give a wink or some body language to add to the scene.
example: except for Hamilton, of course," Claudia said with a wink.
 
comments for Leonard
no by line
speaks of morning
gloaming - twilight dusk
I found some extra blank lines between stanzas
since I also found extra blank lines in others, maybe this is the email putting them in
then a morning dove
 sweet and soothing often ironically
dulcet 
then we are back at night.
I don't know what period of time I'm supposed to focus on.
I’m ok with it now that I realize the mourning is for grieved dove not a time of day
 
comments for DeAnna
purple in some cultures is a simple of power & authority, wealth extravagance creativity, ambition, peace, pride, wisdom, magic
does purple have any special meaning in your culture with regard to your mother, or was it just her favorite color?
A kind loving description of your mother.
Very nice.
 
comments for Sally
did you intend to have a blank line between each line?
Rich with color and sensory description
Turns to the frosty remains of winter  sounds cold but the poem at this point isn’t cold.
the line that begins
woody wisteria vines 
struck me as the end, but then I found two more lines
I don't want to take out the last few lines, but I wonder if it could be made to sound less like the end.