[Critique Group 1] Sally's January comments

[Sally Rosenthal]

January comments from Sally:

DeAnna: I love the magic, imagery, and lesson.  Is this part of something
you are writing about Grandmother Spider?  I seem to remember another one.
I am not clear on the significance of Otter Child's mask slipping to reveal
the fawn.

Leonard:  I learned something new, never having heard of this disease.  I am
not sure about the word "dawdling"  to describe loss.  I think your
progression to blindness is like many of ours; as long as we can see
anything, we are not "sightless."  Only when you can no longer pass do you
use the word "blindness."  Oh, a dog?  A Guide dog?  I am jumping for joy?
Have you applied to any schools?

Marcia:  I like the prologue  format.  I read a lot of suspense novels that
start this way, and it is quite effective - especially  when the novel ends.
I think you need to show that the woman has left her office and walked
somewhere before she is at the stairway door.  "Tears" doesn't work for me;
"drops" of blood would be more graphic.  I am confused about the woman's
position after she scrambles to her hands and feet.  This means she would go
down the stairs on her stomach, yet she lands on her back - necessary for
her to see her attacker.  The reader doesn't really know if the woman dies.
Wouldn't a security guard have seen the attacker?  Would the woman's using
the stairs triggered an alarm?  If she dies in the stairwell, how does she
figure into the rest of the book?

Cleora:  This is deliciously creepy.  I like the dolphin credit card angle.
What does "infected" imply?  If COVID, you need to explain that.  How does
the woman know the man is waiting in the bushes to attack her?  There are
many unexplained aspects, but that lends to the

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