[Critique Group 2] Joan's Comments

[Joan Myles]

Joan’s Comments June 29

Sandra: Galanthus

This piece feels like a walk through a garden  filled with bittersweet
memories.

I love the phrase station in spaces…opens with the long “A”

Where zephyr kisses its cheek…hints at a relationship and three years hence
gives more clues

…the lift of leaves in sharing tomes is stunning double meaning joining the
leaves of plants with the books and ideas exchanged and I can see the light
glinting off the upturned leaves as they flutter in the breeze

…walking…awakening…gives a promis of hope to come

A beautiful poem

Leonard: Small World

The piece deserves a more alluring title. Maybe the last line?

A very important statement expressed with slight humor. The reader is drawn
in as the smoke affects wider and wider worlds, showing the impact of each
person’s behavior on all of us. I think this is your best poem and hope it
finds a worthy audience.

Brad: All I need is the air that I breathe

Very well written and presented. I think the best futuristic writing is
well-rooted in current events and this piece really fits my standards.

I love the term environmental collapse

 And the phrase puts on a placid face

The use of Charles Koch memorial elementary school is inspired

And the virtual reality imaginarium

The piece is quite Ray Bradbury to me and needs to be read.

Val: For Evie

A lovely tribute to a singer with soul-expanding talent

I love the way the lines shift the focus from listener to singer
demonstrating the give and take of performer and listener
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