[Critique Group 2] June notes

[sandrastreeter381 at gmail.com]

Group II, June feedback
 
 
                Brad: "All I Need is the Air that I Breathe"
 
First of all-love the title; anyone over 55 should recognize it; very
enticing appetizer for the rest of the piece.
 
Use of two clothing phrases within the same sentence appealing: of Angie
donning the ESARP suit, with putting on a placid face for the children.
 
Virtual-reality scene of ducking into the oxygen center both relieving and
terrifying-relieving of the tensions of living in the world with concerns of
just getting air, but also terrifying to consider that one has to seek out a
specified place for real oxygen.
 
--Overall, as always, very vivid imagery capturing a horrifying prospect.
Some of us envy your freedom of imagination!
 
 
                Joan: "The  Lion in Ginsberg's Living Room"
 
Having read "The Lion in the Living Room", I found the title fetching-you're
immediately drawn to what the rest of the poem might have to say.
 
I didn't quite catch on to the concepts here, and would loved hearing  more
about your intended meaning.
 
 
                Leonard: "Small World":
 
I like not knowing quite where this title leads, prior to reading the rest
of the piece. It has a touch of irony, too-you could surmise it to have the
meaning usually ascribed to it, but once you've read the rest of the poem,
you recognize that the title speaks of horrifying future implications.
 
Moving "to a different square" has appealing imagery, for me, of an
old-school board game, where pieces are jumped to different
locations-conjuring the idea of needing to strategize more and not take
things for granted in this brave, new world we share. I couldn't help
thinking of "Airplane", in reading the repeated attempts to move where
pollutants might not be: "Looks like I picked the wrong time to quit smoking
. . . Looks like I picked the wrong time to stop drinking".
 
I like the rhyme: "acrid smoke' with "choke.
 
Nice phrasing: "where can I find a good place to breathe"-again, capturing
the idea of having to be more intentional in this horrifying
reality-breathing, in the former reality, is just a natural occurrence
without deliberate thought, but in the new existence, one actually has to
puzzle out where a good place would be, or deal with the frustration that
there may not be one.
 
 
 
Val: "For Evie":
 
I love this expression of connection birthed from a humble, kind and
wise-yet, down-to-earth-- musician doing what their God-given gift sends
them to do.
 
I related to this piece, because, as a person on the spectrum, I have found
music, and the arts in general, reach me as nothing else, helping me access
emotions usually unnamed and/or resisted.
 
I did wonder if the singer was the Christian artist Evie I was familiar
with-my suspicion was nicely confirmed1
 
 
 
Sandra
 
Every word has consequences. Every silence, too.
(Jean Paul Sartre)
 
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