[Critique Group 2] Joan's Comments

[sandrastreeter381 at gmail.com]

Howdy, folks,
 
A thought that might enhance interp of “Galanthus”: Note that the pronoun in the line about the zephyr is “his”, alluding to the friend I was writing about. HTH!
 
 
Sandra
 
Every word has consequences. Every silence, too.
(Jean Paul Sartre)
 
From: Group2 <group2-bounces at bluegrasspals.com> On Behalf Of Joan Myles via Group2
Sent: Friday, June 30, 2023 11:26 AM
To: sandrastreeter381 at gmail.com
Cc: Critique Group 2 <group2 at bluegrasspals.com>
Subject: [Critique Group 2] Joan's Comments
 
Joan’s Comments June 29
Sandra: Galanthus
This piece feels like a walk through a garden  filled with bittersweet memories.
I love the phrase station in spaces…opens with the long “A”
Where zephyr kisses its cheek…hints at a relationship and three years hence gives more clues
…the lift of leaves in sharing tomes is stunning double meaning joining the leaves of plants with the books and ideas exchanged and I can see the light glinting off the upturned leaves as they flutter in the breeze
…walking…awakening…gives a promis of hope to come
A beautiful poem
 
Leonard: Small World
The piece deserves a more alluring title. Maybe the last line?
A very important statement expressed with slight humor. The reader is drawn in as the smoke affects wider and wider worlds, showing the impact of each person’s behavior on all of us. I think this is your best poem and hope it finds a worthy audience.
 
Brad: All I need is the air that I breathe
Very well written and presented. I think the best futuristic writing is well-rooted in current events and this piece really fits my standards. 
I love the term environmental collapse
 And the phrase puts on a placid face
The use of Charles Koch memorial elementary school is inspired
And the virtual reality imaginarium
The piece is quite Ray Bradbury to me and needs to be read.
 
Val: For Evie
A lovely tribute to a singer with soul-expanding talent
I love the way the lines shift the focus from listener to singer demonstrating the give and take of performer and listener
 
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