[Critique Group 2] feedback from previous meeting

[sandrastreeter381 at gmail.com]

Hey, all,
 
Thanks for the warm welcome to Group II. It is sure to be a learning and
growing experience for me, and I hope my presence is supportive to other
members, also.
 
By way of preamble: Because I took notes on each piece prior to the meeting,
I may hit on points I missed due to wanting to maximize time as I was
sifting through what to cover, at our session. I'll try to be accurate in
listing things as I remember they went, though.
 
 
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Brad:
                "Snapshots from a Life Journey"
One place where there is already growth in this group, for me, is that words
I never use and suspect may be spelled one way are proven otherwise-e.g.,
"stratagem".
 
As we've discussed and I can't explain why a horizontal space before a line
break is not something I see much of, I notice, in this piece, some
interesting spacing differences relative to other poems.
 
I got to know your writing style better here-explanation of line breaks
followed by non-capital initial letters makes sense, with your comment of
the continuation of thought being part of a sentence.
 
Like contrast between desert landscape and visions in the mirages.
 
 
 
 
 
Joan: "Dawning"
 
Repetition of "one blade of grass" seems to capture a reflective
attitude-taking neither the blade, nor the qualities it symbolizes, for
granted-admonition to keep appreciation of it and of its sacredness, as well
as that of whatever else the day holds, close to the heart.
 
Like the double meaning of "one finger of grass"==blade, and also verb form
of "finger" as in to make touch contact and hold something
physically-honoring it as a sacred thing to be treasured.
 
 
 
Leonard: "Dead Fish Bite Back"
 
The alliteration and clipped quality of "bite back" seem to symbolize, for
me, fierceness of the later consequence to catching this type of fish.
Nicely done!
 
Pretty sure I didn't bring this up when we met: very strong ending, alluding
to the fish retaliating for the sins of murderers.
 
 
 
 
 
"remnant was and fading flame" capture the fade imagery with their lingering
A-sounds-nice device1
 
Repetition of "is there anyone" ably captures a sense of forlornness and not
having an atmosphere of home.
 
Although hope seems temporal and elusive, the speaker seems to recognize the
need to use it in leading beyond the fruitless promises he sees.
 
 
 
 
 
Sandra
 
Every word has consequences. Every silence, too.
(Jean Paul Sartre)
 
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