[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Brad's sub

[Leonard Tuchyner]

This is the bleak, sad story 
of how a man is defeated in life. 
The world is seen as a vast wasteland. 
A desert  with   mirages 
that promise restoration 
but the relentless heat or pressure of life 
continues to dry the  spirit. 
Survival is the only thing that matters. 
The spirit is  dulled even from the loss of love, 
which seems a luxury. 
All that matters is that one carry on, while the world continues to dry us out. 
Still he hopes to find oasis 
to no avail 
and throughout his lifetime. 
If there is anyone out there who can lead him to that oasis, 
he pleads for help. 
But he realizes the best he fan hope for is 
an old age home.


  
Brad sub for May 23


jamesstarfire--- via Group2 <group2 at bluegrasspals.com>
	 1:35 PM (3 hours ago)		 
 
 
	
Snapshots from a Life Journey
an immense, featureless landscape
unrelieved by the fleeting green,
 of an   imagined, restorative oasis.
Just a vast desert vista and
 merciless heat that seems eternal.
League after league of baron sand.
Mirages shimmer in heat haze.
Visions to follow, or mere deceptions?
 
All is reduced to survival.
The luxury of sorrow
stemming from feelings of
love too long withheld
doesn’t matter.
You must still put all effort
into moving forward.
 
As mouth dries, 
extreme thirst manifests.
The vast, muffled silence is profound!
 
This desert expanse
mirrors the desert within.
How I long to find
that fabled oasis where
all is made well, once again.
 
But as always, it continues to allude,
all my efforts and stratagems.
 
I have pursued this quest for millennia
and achieved little.
Like grains of sand running through a funnel.
The lead candle that burned so brightly,
now just remnant wax and fading flame.
 
Is there anyone out there?
Is there anyone who can hear my entreaties?
IF so, please take my hand
and lead me through this unyielding wasteland.
A questionable, rampant, rumor promises that on the other side
Something very like home beckons with open arms!
 
Of course, hard won experience tells us that
odds are, it is actually something like:
low budget, senior citizen, Levitt, tract, prefabs
picturesquely nestled amidst
the moist, yielding swamplands of South Georgia.
With a prestigious sounding name
like: “Water Lane Estates -
a prototypical and
totally unique moted community.”
 
jamesstarfire at gmail.com
 
 
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Leonard I. Tuchyner, Author



https://www.dldbooks.com/tuchyner/