[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Val's sub

[Leonard Tuchyner]

This is reminiscent of the last poem you presentedhere.  

You had a friend. 

You thought he or she was a friend. 

But somehow they hurt you. 

It felt like falling on broken  shells in bare feet.  

The relationship is destroyed. 

It through you into despair. 

The balance of a formally equal  relationship has upended it. 

They made  demands . 

They bullied you. 

The relationship was very conditional. 

But now glimmers of self reliance is coming.back.

 

Val sub for Feb 23

 

Aftermath

 

Stunned,

taken aback,

I realize we 

are not friends

anymore.

 

This cuts me

like falling on rocks,

bare feet on broken shells

near the tumbling

ocean.

 

You demand attention

with strings attached--

The balance wobbles,

falls through.

 

Too many conditions,

bully-streaks

mar a one tranquil

equality.

 

Sadly,

a door closes,

pain colors grief

purple and black,

until reason glimmers,

pinpricks of rezilliance

breaking again.

 

Valerie Moreno

___

spiritwind at pmpmail.com

___

Preach the Gospel at all times and if necessary use words.

-St. Francis Of Assisi

 




 
 
Leonard I. Tuchyner, Author
 
https://www.dldbooks.com/tuchyner/

 
  
 
 

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