[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Joan's sub

[Leonard Tuchyner]

This poem is about the dying of the poet’s father. 

She is there,  hearingit.  

Somehow It is music. 

Unfathomable music. 

It is  feeble, barely   audible.   

Everything is experienced as wite, yet dark. 

The sounmd of breath is experienced in the white hush of the room.

This description accentuates the quiet and unrevealing nature ofthe meaning of this process. 

It is only  to be felt andnot understood. 

The melody is unfathomable, undiscernable perhaps even to him.  

Just white wisps with no prayer. 

No purpose, 

no promises , 

only a sigh of longing. 

His breath, rising in death makes her feel his solitude, 

in that he must die alone.  

This work is beautiful. 

The way the poet plays on light, darkness, 

unanswered questions  aboutthe  process and the experience ofwhiteness somehow indistinguishable  fromdarkness.  

I am left with so many issues unanswered,

so much longing for life and meaning, 

No description of the effect of this  poem can do it justice. 

 

 

My Father's Music

by Joan Myles





my father’s breath

is a song barely

rising above the pillow case





pale white

in the white hush

of white darkness





my father’s breath 

Rumbles deep dark

hidden melodies





solitary

phantoms even

to himself





hand-built

Rhythms

 Wordless 





whispering

white wisps

 no prayer





no promise no 

Purpose merely a sigh

the long slow longing





After ascent

into blue

my father’s breath





breathes in me

a solitary song

rising

 




 
 
Leonard I. Tuchyner, Author
 
https://www.dldbooks.com/tuchyner/

 
  
 
 

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