[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Brad's sub.

[Leonard Tuchyner]

Brad sub for Nov 22

 

 

A wellfashioned poem. 

Withconsistent rhyme and alliteration. 

I’m notsure what the relationship is between writer and subject, 

but itseems to  surpass sex.  

Theauthor has much to teach the protagonist, 

but Isuspect it goes two ways.  

In theend the protagonist goes off into the world made of his  making, 

orimagines or both. 

Well met,my wild and gentle one

withradiance like the emerging sun

 

I tastedthe strength with which you yearn

I touchedthe fire in which you burn

 

You maybe a prize, bright yet unknown

atarnished bell, with a golden tone

 

Yet thereis so much more you must discover

Essentialtruths over which you hover

 

Lie downwith me and I’ll teach you of love

For youhave not yet learned the touch of the dove

 

With thegift of tenderness, we shall begin

a placewhere I sense you have never been

 

Togetheras one, we will endeavor to fashion

a primarynature of deep compassion

 

Thenshare freely, of all you’ve been taught

and goforth in the world, your learning has wrought

 

NOTE:inspired by the timeless, delicate beauty of Nick Drake’s music

 

jamesstarfire at gmail.com

 

word count 146

 

Well met,my wild and gentle one

withradiance like the emerging sun

 

I tastedthe strength with which you yearn

I touchedthe fire in which you burn

 

You maybe a prize, bright yet unknown

atarnished bell, with a golden tone

 

Yet thereis so much more you must discover

Essentialtruths over which you hover

 

Lie downwith me and I’ll teach you of love

For youhave not yet learned the touch of the dove

 

With thegift of tenderness, we shall begin

a placewhere I sense you have never been

 

Togetheras one, we will endeavor to fashion

a primarynature of deep compassion

 

Thenshare freely, of all you’ve been taught

and goforth in the world, your learning has wrought

 

NOTE:inspired by the timeless, delicate beauty of Nick Drake’s music

 

jamesstarfire at gmail.com

 

 





 
 
Leonard I. Tuchyner, Author
 
https://www.dldbooks.com/tuchyner/

 
  
 
 

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