[Critique Group 2] Leonards comments on Brad's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

I think you haveaccomplished your goal.  



The poem does  just what you say you are trying to do. 



It mayh be cerebral, 



but it is more thanthat.  



You’ve done a marvelousjob in using poetic devices. 



Intgernal rhym 



alliteration, 



and the words chosenjust sound priti.    



Great job., 




 


Brad sub for May 22




 



 


Hello Friends of Group-2,



This piece is the companion piece to "AnIntegral Part of Life" which I



submitted last month. They were  writtenabout 3 weeks apart with this being



the first. I was attempting 2 things. The firstis my continued interest in



trying to write from a female prospective. Thesecond is an exploration of



the first key moment when innocence is shatteredforever.



***




 


The Exquisite Pain of Being



C Brad Corallo



Word count 99




 


Behold the delicate, shattered, spun glasssorrow



of the inconsolable nine year old grievinggirlchild.



As she kneels, weeping beside her dead pony.



With blood and froth on



its lips and nostrils. 



The light in its eyes extinguished!




 


Such epitomizes the loneliness and sense of loss



deep within the human spirit!



These poignant moments are insignificant 



within the evolution of the universe.



Yet, to her they overwhelm



everything encompassed in the framework of herbeing.




 


Inevitably somehow, life goes on.



Though the sunshine in her eyes



shall be slightly dimmed forever!




 


jamesstarfire at gmail.com




 



 


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