[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments of Brad's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

I knew this was not going to end well for ourhero.



But the manner in which he died was surprising.



The ending was especially good,



In that his life was summarized  in is self evaluation.



This is a good comment on one part of ourculture.



Wel written. Cudos




 


Brad sub for March




 



The Capricious Face of Fate: flash fiction



This is well titled.




 


It warns the reader that no one has control 



C By Brad Corallo



Word count 604




 


Wednesday2030 hours




 


He waited. Crouching in the lush jungle undergrowth.Slowly he refined the



aim of his long range sniper's rifle. Adjustingthe precision night vision



laser sight until he had the target in hiscrosshairs. His target was a



combination fuel dump and ammunition storagemagazine. Actually not the most



brilliant plan for the distribution of resourceshe fleetingly thought. But,



the enemy was not known for their brains. Atleast, that's what he had



always been told. His state of the art rifleshot high velocity shells which



then exploded inside targets scattering cascadesof burning phosphorus. It



had been developed solely for the purpose ofigniting anything which would



result in disastrous fires and on lucky days,devastating explosions.




 


He took a deep breath, pulled the trigger andseconds later all hell broke



loose. A vast section of the surrounding junglewas engulfed in a blazing



firestorm. His next imperative was to hall buttout of there and reconnect



with his Special Forces team. Though he tooknothing for granted in his



surreptitious missions, he had to admit that hehad created one hell of a



diversion to aid his escape.



I’m assuming that the fire storm was thediversion.




 


Dusk was rapidly turning into night, he woreexcellent cammo, and the enemy



was not well supplied with night visiontechnology. Stealthily he began to



move southwest from his sniper's nest. Hefollowed a path he had carefully



created with bits of fluorescent tape that hehad applied to trees as he



entered. He had about a mile to cover beforereaching the beach where he



would unearth his under water power sled, andmake a tricky invisible



retreat to the vessel that awaited him. He wasone of four operatives from



the team who had been assigned highly specificclandestine missions.




 


When all had returned to the transport vessel,it would activate its



incredibly powerful engine and hall ass back tothe Fire Hawk warship that



awaited them safely and legally in internationalwaters. Then once back in



port, he could finally get a break from: theheat, dirt, insects and could



put away huge quantities of astoundingly goodScotch whisky. He could almost



taste it.




 


Saturday 2330 hours




 


The city of our allies where he was on leave wasa bustling, dirty,



sprawling settlement which was more like a largedisorganized squatters'



encampment than an actual city. The place wasthe repository for hundreds of



soldiers from various countries who were onwell-deserved leave. The traffic



was legendary! There were many merchants andhustlers all over the city that



offered a bewildering array of pleasures andentertainments. In military



circles, the place was known as Paradise Lost.




 


Good description of paradise Lost city.




 


As our intrepid sniper exited a famous, glitzy,stripper bar, much the worse



for wear, he held the hand of a stunning localbar girl. They were headed



back to the tiny apartment that she shared with3 other girls.




 


They were paying much attention to each otherand very little to their



surroundings. Suddenly our sniper felt anenormous impact and was instantly



catapulted into the air. The battered, ancient,nondescript car accelerated



away.  . In that moment, the absurdity ofhis life echoed through his mind



like the tones of a grimly tolling bell. Hisrapidly falling body was



impaled on the points of an ornamental ironfence enclosing a small park.



The young lady, shaken but uninjured, made herway home alone. She purposed



to try the same bar tomorrow night. Perhaps shewould make enough money to



buy a couple days worth of food this time.




 


jamesstarfire at gmail.com 



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