[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Alice's piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

The  poem isbasically understood



And I enjoyed the writing.



I have trouble makeing some of the connections between your examples.



For example, 



Are you justifying the trail of tears by the story ofbeing given a pot for the grandmother’s travails. 



I think your message is that even in the mostdifficult circumstances  



immigrants turned hope into realities.  



However, calling native Americans immigrants is astretch. 



I see the connections, 



but they do pose a problem, 



requiring a willing mind to make the variousconnections.



At the same time, it is easy to make the connectionsof native americans and immigrants.



Both may have been forced off their land and compelledto find a new land to live in. 



But, Cherokees would have done fine if they could haveremained in their homes on the east coast.



On the whole, it is a fine poem, with an importantmessage I totally agree with. 



As always, it is well written.




 



 


When you don’t have a space between hope  and Makers it is read very strangely.



Alice submission for March



The Immigrant’sPassword




 


Poem by AliceJane-Marie Massa




 


Who will build a Statue of Liberty on the Rio Grande?



Gather together all of the workers 



who were building “The Wall,”



craftsmen, and artisans too:



let them erect a new beckoning



Lady of Liberty.




 


Then, promise you will simultaneously build



a new, modern Ellis Island--



with no cages attached.



Shouldn’t we be able to build



a complex much better than Ellis Island?



If we are to welcome guests--immigrants--



let us welcome them with dignity, hope, and home.



Let us welcome them at the hour



when all plans are brought to fruition.



with our lofty ambitions,



let us not become accomplices to Coyotes,



let us not move so rapidly



that we set up more failures,



more forgotten people, more lost children



than successful hope makers, dream catchers.




 


Who created “The Trail of Tears”?



On that “Trail of Tears,”



the government gave an iron pot



to one Cherokee grandmother,



who later bequeathed that iron pot



to her daughter.



On the new land,



the daughter became a mother



who grew flowers in the old iron pot



that had survived “The Trail of Tears.”



That Cherokee mother gave to her daughter



not just the flowers from the government-issued cooking pot,



but the poetry of liberty.



That daughter became



Poet Laureate of the United States of America--



Joy Harjo.




 


Now, instead of a Trail of Tears



from state to state,



we witness  unsendero de lagrimas



from another America to this America.




 


Within my veins stream



the hope, determination, imagination



of immigrants.



Within my heart beat



the folk songs of immigrants.



Etched onto the soles of my shoes



are the footprints of my immigrant grandparents.



Folded into my hands



are the prayers and petitions



of all immigrants who have reached for freedom.




 


Who among us can whisper



the immigrant’s password?



To these people who long to hold onto a new land,



can you say:



“Wait.”  



“Be patient.”  



“Return in six months, my friend.”




 


On the news, I hear the statistics:



4200 . . . 400 each day.



Then, I think of one family,



one person,



one child,



one password.



Hope.



Lagrimas de la libertad.




 


number of words:  357



number of poetic lines: 66




 


March 18, 2021, Thursday: for Group 2 critique session on March 25, 2021, Thursday




 


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