[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Alice's piece
tuchyner5 at aol.com
tuchyner5 at aol.com
Tue May 12 13:25:03 EDT 2020
Thereis little to change in this piece.
Itis very tight.
Ithandles the two major issues of the carona crises very nicely,
andgives an alternative to how to live with it.
poemby Alice Jane-Marie Massa
Salud.
Toyour Health!
Toastwith a cup of herbal tea
Orsoothing poetry.
Verynice.
Intimes of trouble,
Weshould gather together.
However,now we must practice,
Wemust perfect
Socialdistancing
Andweather this germ storm
Veryclever play on wordsw.
Relativelyalone.
Inthis world where too many
Dotoo much online,
Wemust now do more online.
Idon’t think you need ‘on line’ twice.
Yet,have you seen the lines
Fortoilet tissue at the supermarket?
Whatwill happen if the supermarkets close?
Willthe National Guard deliver groceries?
That’sfunny, and it presents a funny picture. What will we ever do without toiletpaper and without sears Roebuck.
Hopefullywith rolls of toilet paper,
Iwill be writing poetry
Because,for me,
Ilike the way you have sprinkled rhymes throughout the poem.
Poetryis therapy.
WhenI write poetry,
Ilay aside my worry beads:
Ifocus only on the fancy and frivolity of the poem.
Thewords massage my tightened muscles.
Therhythm rolls me onto another shore.
Thepunctuation delights my spirit.
Therevision is a tool I love to carve slowly.
Thereading and re-reading of the verses embrace my soul.
In apoem, I find home, love, memories, strength--
Thestrength to awaken to a world
thatwill be a stranger to me.
Howwill the world be a stranger to you.
Withinthis new, changed, strange world--
Iwill social distance--
AfterI dance with poetry.
*
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