[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Brad's work for 12 20

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

Excellent. Just enough rhyme to do the job.  .

The rhymes are not reached for. 

It tells a true story about you. 

It tells of values that are still alive against all odds, 

and offers hope. 

Bravo

The poem is well constructed.

Sounds natural.

 

Brad sub.

 

 

 

In Days Of Youth

C By Brad Corallo 

Word count 153

 

In days of youth,

I dreamt of kings and deeds of great renown.

Of princesses and ladies fair

and a world where things were sound.

Where evil could not stand for long 

against honor truth and love.

Where guns were banned  

and all embraced the symbol of the dove.

 

I imagined noble leaders 

to believe in and revere.  

Unselfish pointers of the way 

who could overcome all fear.

 

Though now I'm old 

and known hard truth,

I can't abandon dreams of youth.

 

Through four black years

when hope grew dim

and sneering bullies held the field

I still dreamt of noble deeds 

where love and honor were revealed. 

 

Perhaps I am a naive fool 

to believe compassion will one day rule.

So be it, I'll never change.

Through it all I'll dream 

and perhaps one day awaken

to a just world not yet seen!

 

jamesstarfire at gmail.com

 

 

  

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