[Critique Group 2] Leonard's comments on Brad's sub for April

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

The title suggests a carnival.  



The writer seems to be enthralled by thispsychedelic experience. 



To this reader there is nothing soothing aboutit.  



There is the mention of a soft voice embodying aall embrasing female. 



To me everyhthing in the experience isabrasive.  



Cacophany is a word that would be congruent withmy perception  of the whole, thankfullybrief encounter.  



That is one way I experience the describedexperience. 




 


On the other hand, there is an interplay  of what is soothing and what isdisturbing.  Surf sounds, the coming ofevening, a soft voice,  beautiful colors  



which are also garish. 



This might be felt as a sweet and sour soup.  




 


I think that how it is experienced has a lot to dowith the personality and current mood of the one beset or blessed by thisencounter. 




 


As a piece of literature, it is powerful.  



Where is it written that a reader should not beconfused? 



So I give this poem high marks for effectiveness, 



though I do not know for sure what effect thewriter was looking for.




 


Carnival Fugue



C by Brad Corallo



Word count 215




 


Sauntering,shuffling, unhurried along a beach.



Step into anorange sunset.




 


A pattern ofsparkling multicolored lights appears.



Artfully strungacross the purplish, descending twilight.




 


Approaching moreclosely, carnival sounds swell



framed by theever changing rumbling of the surf. 




 


You are drawninto the emerging scene.



As colors explodeinto kaleidoscopic ringlets.




 


Softly she callsyour name.



It’s hard to imagine how she could call softly andbe heard through all that sound and activity. 




 


Her cascadinghair shimmers through a hundred different hues.




 


Somehow it is allfamiliar and comfortable.



You know thatvoice.




 


Magenta flashesbetween spokes of the turning Ferris wheel.



Firework starsgently dust the sky.



You feel thesounds of the calliope.



You are seducedby delicious smells.




 


You standentranced as the world seems to tilt.



Spinning dizzily,images shatter.




 


Seconds later,the world seems to right itself.



You breathedeeply and open your eyes.




 


The sun hasfallen below the horizon.



All that remainsis a narrow band of twilight, darkening!




 


You wonder whatjust happened.



Was any of itreal?




 


You ask you'reself.



Am I blessed oram I mad?




 


There is noanswer.



All that remainsis the ever changing music of the sea.




 


And perhaps, far,far away



a voice, moresensed than heard-



softly calls yourname. 




 


Whas this a real experience?




 


After several days, I gave this anotherreading.  It was a different experience.This time, I imagined a memory from a fictional past  in which I was on a date with a beautifulgirl or woman  with whom I wasenthralled.  We were at a carnical. Hervoice and presence  called to me.  There was a sense of loss when  the event abruptly ended and was gone.




 



 



 


  



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