[Critique Group 2] My Feedback from 9-27-2018

[Abbie Taylor]

Valerie, combine your first three lines into two like this.

Blue-gray cat awakens,

yawns, s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s.

Delete "he" from the next line. Of course you'll need to change the 
period at the end of the previous line to a comma.

Combine your third and fourth lines like this.

takesin life around him,

In the next two lines, try this.

begins his fastidious cleaning--

Otherwise, I love how the poem portrays this cat's waking ritual.

***

Leonard, in the following line, I still feel "sun" should not be 
capitalized.

When the sweeping Sun and stars

I love the last line. "Your father took faster than I could give."

***

Brad, I like the way this poem's rhyme scheme expresses your sentiments 
about this goddess. I can think of nothing that needs to be changed.

***

Alice, in the paragraph where you mention your hometown's fight with the 
coal company, you say you were in the newspaper again. Since there was 
no previous reference to you being in the newspaper, you don't need 
"again." I suggest you say you were in the newspaper several times 
regarding this issue.

Otherwise, youtell some good stories. I like the point this piece makes.

-- 
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author http://abbiescorner.wordpress.com 
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com abbietaylor945 at gmail.com Order my new 
memoir at http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com/memoir.htm
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://bluegrasspals.com/pipermail/group2/attachments/20180928/b954797e/attachment-0001.html>