[Critique Group 2] Emailing: 10-25-18 Group 2 critiques

[James]

Critiques for 10-25-18 Group 2 session

1. Val's piece:
A sad, sweet piece about an insensitive teacher (adult in authority), who is
unable to open mindedly recognize the way an earnest student with different
vision perceives a pumpkin. I mean, they really are orange. One would hope
and expect that an art teacher would have more imagination. I am not sure
about the line "using tracing paper against windows." Were you tracing a
pumpkin decoration taped to a window? Because later you say "evenly spaced
creases I'd felt on the soft skin." Were you drawing a pumpkin from one that
you were touching?  
***
2. Abbie's piece:
I can truly relate with this piece. I got engaged on a beach in Jupiter
Florida. That section of the state "The Treasure Coast" is one of my
favorite areas on the planet. The sentiment and imagery are so real and
sincere. An easy piece to like!  
***
3. Alice's piece: 
The first time I read this piece it packed a powerful emotional wallop. I
felt tears coming. When I read it the second time, I appreciated how a
personal piece was beautifully set against a historic background. So the
prospective of the poet is a continuum; feeling her own life and personal
experiences as part of the vast canvas of a tumultuous world at a
significant moment in American history. The structure is most interesting
with the 2 narrative pieces bracketing the poem. I think this is a unique
piece that is both moving and very creatively presented. 
***
4. Leonard's piece: 
There are many good things such as very clever lines in this piece. However
it feels a bit disjointed to me. Beginning here: "a weaponized word was
fashioned 
That sucked all legitimacy 
from needed worthwhile debates --
two evil Orwellian words." I find this confusing. Also, this line:
"Manuscripts melt like melting flowers," For me this is an uncomfortable
line." Perhaps "manuscripts evaporate like melting flowers," or "manuscript
melt like flowers, sublimating." I mean "sublimating" in the chemistry
sense. Just suggestions! This could possibly be 2 pieces or perhaps it needs
a bit of pruning and reshaping to turn it into a powerful, clarion call
spotlighting the inherent hypocrisy of political correctness. 

  
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10-25-18 Group 2 critiques


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