[Critique Group 2] My Feedback for Pieces 10/25/2018

[Abbie Taylor]

Val, in your second line, try substituting "with" for "using" so that 
the line reads like this. "with tracing paper against windows."

The following lines are confusing. I've never known a pumpkin to have 
soft skin. This needs to be clarified.

deciding to use black for

the evenly spaced

creases I'd felt on the soft skin.

When you talk about tucking your pumpkin drawing in your heart for safe 
keeping, say "tucked" instead of "tucking." I love the idea that an F 
grade means the work is fine. In your case, it is fine.

***

Brad, in this line, try a comma after faster.

As we move faster, multitasking to get more things done,

The following line would sound better without "tightly."

we again ratchet up the accomplishment machinery

This is one of few cases where the ing's work. I like the point the poem 
makes.

***

Alice, all I can say is wow, how sad. I think the poem speaks for itself 
without the prose.

***

Leonard, I like the title "Thou Shalt Not Write." I can appreciate the 
point this poem makes.

-- 
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author https://abbiescorner.wordpress.com 
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com abbietaylor945 at gmail.com Order my new 
memoir at http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com/memoir.htm
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