[Critique Group 2] My Feedback on Last Night's Pieces Pasted and Attached

[Abbie Taylor]

Leonard, I couldn't find anything wrong with this poem. I can appreciate 
your perspective on hindsight.

***

Valerie, instead of these lines,

silently, she takes in the

mockery and being left out...

try this on for size.

shetakes in the

mockery and isolation in silence."

Then start your next line with "it's." "It's nothing new..."

Instead of this line,

pulling away and confronting--

try this.

pullsaway, confronts—

In the next line, substitute "battles" for "battling."

battlesfor independence from mom,

In the following line, substitute "the drain" for "sink hole." 
Otherwise, it sounds like your tears are flowing into a hole in the ground.

that flows down sink hole with agony.

When you say the child accepted her difference, I don't think you need 
to capitalize "child."

I love how this poem portrays the stages of your life.

***

Brad, I love it. I couldn't find anything wrong here, either. Amen!

***

Alice, each acrostic in this trilogy does a perfect job of standing 
alone, but the poem as a whole has no meaning. I have a basic idea of 
why you wrote these, but most readers will be looking for a connection 
and won't find it, and the poem may leave them feeling disjointed. I 
think this would work better as three separate acrostics instead of a 
trilogy.

-- 
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author https://abbiescorner.wordpress.com 
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com abbietaylor945 at gmail.com
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://bluegrasspals.com/pipermail/group2/attachments/20181130/6df11d3a/attachment-0001.html>
-------------- next part --------------
A non-text attachment was scrubbed...
Name: notes 11-29-2018.docx
Type: application/vnd.openxmlformats-officedocument.wordprocessingml.document
Size: 14627 bytes
Desc: not available
URL: <http://bluegrasspals.com/pipermail/group2/attachments/20181130/6df11d3a/attachment-0001.docx>