[Critique Group 2] Leonard's critiques for group 2 March

[Tuchyner5 at aol.com]

#  bRAD 
Since you were  concerned that we might not get what you were talking 
about. I’ll tell you how I  interpret it. Then you can tell me whether I got it. 
The intermissional  sauna; that’s where we go between incarnations.  The 
piece leaves it up to the reader to  decide if this is the path for all souls, 
or whether only a certain breed of  soul does it in the way described. 
The incarnations,  which are referred to as assignments, happen in all the 
environments possible in  the Universe. Maybe also in different dimensions.  
The piece explores just a few of the  kinds of existences that are 
possible. It invites the reader to do some  speculation of their own.  
Time is a different  matter in different places. Beings live very brief to 
astoundingly long periods  when compared with human standards.  
One thing that wasn’t  clear is how immersed these souls were in these 
variant lives. Do they lose  their awareness of who they really are during an 
incarnation, or are they kind  of only tasting these lives?  
The ‘clear light’ is  total awareness or enlightenment.  
The philosophy follows  the idea that these beings or souls have devolved 
from their clear  identification of who they are as unlimited consciousnesses 
  and now are undergoing these  assignments of fragmented ways of being in 
order, eventually, to return to their  original state of godhood, or total 
identification with God.   
The sauna is a process  of cleansing the soul from the traumas and 
limitations of the various  incarnations.  
A spotlight is focused  upon Humanity. Basically we’re a mixed bag. We’re 
all mixed up. We are a strange  mix of disasters, unlimited potential, 
limitations, good, evil, sensitivity,  wisdom and silliness.  Some of the  other 
incarnations have a healing effect. But it takes a long time in the sauna  
to recover from the earthly assignments.  
These assignments  eventually are the means for return to the light.  
One would think that  after a lifetime on Earth as a human, he could get 
cat and dog straight. On the  other hand, why is he talking English? 
These beings that are  in intermission seem very human to me. They judge 
and think like humans. Of  course, I don’t know how you would make them sound 
otherwise, since the writer  is human. Isn’t he? 

Meet you in the  Intermissional sauna
C By Brad Corallo
Word count 961

"Hello, my  old friend, I have been waiting for you. But where were you, you
look  terrible!" 

"I was on a small obscure planet named Earth. I don't  recommend the place 
at
all. I mean, the planet was beautiful once but the  highest level life forms
have turned the place into a workhouse out of a  Dickens novel." 

"What are you talking about and what in the universe is  a "Dickens novel?"

"Oh, sorry, Dickens was a great story teller on Earth.  Hey can someone pour
some more water on those rocks, I really need to cleanse  Earth off myself!"

"Yes, sorry I have been ungracious. More water and a  soft cloud towel for
your comfort." 

AH, balm for the returning  warrior. I really do need some to recover from
that last mission."

"Of  course my friend, decompress for as long as you need. I won't bother 
you
with  annoying questions until you have sloughed off the detritus of your
trying  mission."

"Thanks, I will tell my story after I have chilled in this  lovely warm
place---well you know what I mean." 

"So, wake up my  friend it has been one half an era and you appear like your
old self again."  "Yes, thank you I do feel fully unburdened. But how long
have you been here?"  

"Oh, quite a while. My last mission was on Eridani-B-prime where the  life
forms Clantajanet living rock beings have 10 Era long life spans. So, I  had
no trouble getting extended time here in the sauna." 

"Well, good  for you. One good thing about these crazy multiple mission
journeys that  we're all on is , they do allow for much quality time in
between."  

"Oh sure, they are very lenient about time. I mean, you could remain  here
for an Eon or two before anyone even began to try to move the process  
along.
And, even after this there is the cherishing and channeling to go  through
and that also takes a good long time. When all that is over you are  all 
gung
ho to choose another suitable mission and take the next step on your  
journey
back to The Clearlight."

"Perhaps, but even after all that, I  think I will retain some memory of my
Earth mission. The highest level  beings; they call them humans really, 
well,
suck!" 

"They do what?"  "Oh sorry again just a term they use a lot down there. For
example, when I  was a roving wave lattus on Aldeberon-4, it wasn't the best
of all missions  but at least things made sense there. Earth, forget it! The
creatures  there-wow! They have such great potential but their most 
important
values are  greed and popular fancy. It is so discouraging!"

"Well yes, that doesn't  sound like much fun. Is it worse than a mission as 
a
Plutonian cave slug?"  

"Oh yeah, I'd be a PCS anytime over a human. They do have lower life  forms;
I think they call them dats and cogs which are pretty cool. I suggest  if 
you
are ever mad enough to choose to mission there, be one of those. Just  
forget
about being one of those totally frustrating human creatures. You  won't
believe it but they have actually created a mechanism to destroy  their
entire species and much of the planet and its other life  forms."

"Really? I mean, why? Are they extraordinarily  stupid?"

"No, they are not exactly stupid but they don't work and play  well with one
another. They love to create artificial divisions between  groups of
themselves so they can fight."

"Why do they do that? I must  say it sounds pretty stupid to me!"

"I really don't know why. That is the  frustrating part as they also do
things which cause them to appear as beings  with great compassion. It is so
confusing. The dats and cogs try to help them  by offering unconditional 
love
and the humans do love their pets but they  never learn to extend such love
to each other."

"Wait a minute, what  is a pet?" "Sorry again, I really have to stop using
their expressions. When  a dat or cog lives with them, they call it a pet. I
think this means that  this is a designation that the dat or cog is a
delightful and enjoyable  possession of the human it lives with."

"Very curious and strange! How  can other living beings be possessions?"

"It is even worse than that, in  their recent history, they did the same
thing with members of their own  species."

"Wow, so they have created the means to destroy themselves and  they enslave
their own kind and other intelligent species. I am beginning to  understand
why you have been so affected by your mission there."

"I am  just hoping that when I receive the cherishing and channeling that I
gain a  greater understanding of that place through The Clearlight."

"For your  sake, I hope so too! I would suggest (if it fits your development
profile) a  mission on Synclavier-2 as one of their cloud beings. It is very
peaceful and  you get to observe and learn a lot." 

"Well thanks, I will keep that  suggestion in mind and will consider it very
seriously at the time of  choosing. But wait, another of our old companions
has just entered the sauna.  Let us greet our old friend."

"Old friend we both welcome you! But you  look awful. What happened?"

"Oh may The Clearlight preserve me. I just  came from a mission in a 
terrible
place called."

"Don't say it" said  the first two old friends "I think we can guess!  More
water for the  rocks, quickly please!"


Dedicated to the memory and work of Kurt  Vonnegut.
……….. 
#  aBBIE 
The first thing that  my mind goes to is the last line. which is a 
question. I must ask, “Why would  the writer ask the question?” What mother would 
have chosen that her daughter be  blind, or have any handicap? Then I think, “
The life path might not have  anything to do with the blindness. “ “
However, Can blindness be counted out as a  major factor? Perhaps the question 
meant to be asked is, “does my mother approve  of what I’ve done with my life, 
period. 
This last line  certainly would generate a lot of discussion in a group of 
people.   
In the first stanza,  the writer gives a good description of the painting. 
It offers questions and  insights as to the nature of her mother. But how 
does the viewer know that the  T.V. program was a soap opera?  How  does she 
know it was blaring? Is the soap opera an analogy to what went on  around the 
mother, to which she was unresponsive, which could be both good and  bad? 
Did she have the capacity to look beyond the mundane chaos around her? Or  is 
she just not sensitive to the family dynamics. Does she turn a blind eye to 
 her daughter’s issues? 
The third stanza says  that the writer wants to believe that her mother is 
smiling at her from the  picture on the wall.  Then she says,  “But … etc.  
The ‘but’ seems to be a  negation that a benevolent, approving smile is 
not likely, because the mother  was everything that the daughter is not. Then 
the writer lists several of the  positive attributes that her mother had 
which she (her daughter) does not. Is  that a reason to assume that the mother 
would not smile approvingly at her?  The daughter seems to wish that she had 
 those qualities, especially that of sight.  So I’m left with many 
questions about the relationship between these two  women. Am I reading too much 
between the lines? Does the author intend these  ambivalences? The relationship 
between parents and children are often, if not  always complex and full of 
mixed feelings.  
It is because of these  unanswered questions that the piece is powerful. 

PORTRAIT OF MY  MOTHER


One hot Arizona summer afternoon,
clad only in bathing  suit,
ensconced in her favorite red armchair,
hands at her sides,  relaxed,
as if not being painted,
she smiled at no one in  particular,
gazed into space,
not at the television
blaring a 1960's  soap opera.

Now, almost fifty years later,
I want to believe that in  death,
she smiles at me
from my Wyoming kitchen wall,
but she was  everything I'm not,
a perfectionist, pretty, witty,
and most  important,
she could see better than me.
Would she have chosen my life's  path?
……………. 
# Val 
This poem captures the  essence of a series of scenarios.  It is exquisite. 
The pictures are unrelated to each other. It is like  walking through an 
art gallery, pausing to observe and absorb each one  separately. They are all 
captivating in their own ways.  
Great title. It puts  things in perspective immediately. 
First verse, second  line: I like generous better than large nose. Maybe it’
s ethnic  bias. 
The last line of verse  one should be broken into two lines. Its present 
length is out of keeping with  the line lengths of the rest of the verse. 
Second Verse, line 2:  I think it would be better if you left out ‘one.’ 
So it would read “cold cup of  coffee in hand. 
Second verse,  4th line: I love the short, clipped and powerful effect of 
this line.  It works well to be shorter than the other lines.  “Where is he?”
 
Next line: I’m not  sure you need the words, “no communication.” You’ve 
already said that in the  line above.  The rest of the line  adds to the 
picture and the emotion, as does the last line in the  verse. 
The last verse is  beautiful. I don’t know if you did it on purpose, but I 
love the continuous roll  of the rs throughout the verse. 
When No One's  There 


1. He sits in  the oversized recliner
2. glasses crooked on large nose
3. as he dozes,  head bowed,
4. newspaper in a disarray of pages around his slippered  feet

5. She paces the livingroom
6. cold cup of coffee in one  hand
7.as she checks her phone for a text--
8. Where is he?
9. no  communication, dinner dry in oven
10. with the late news on the  television

11. they Thshare a room--
12 twin girls in second  grade,
13 longg dark hair spread against their pillows
14 as Marcy sleeps  curled on her side,
15. Mazie's blue eyes stare at the dark  ceiling 
16. cat settles his  long body  in the center of the  coverlet,
17. stretches and prepares himself for a
18. dreamy, exquisite  nap

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