[Critique Group 2] Leonard's critiques for group 2 March

[Abbie Taylor]

Thanks, Leonard, I really appreciate your feedback.

Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author http://abbiescorner.wordpress.com
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com
abbie at mysero.net
Order my new memoir at http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com/memoir.htm

On Mar 24, 2017 3:52 PM, Tuchyner5--- via Group2 <group2 at bluegrasspals.com> wrote:
>
> # bRAD
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> Since you were concerned that we might not get what you were talking about. I’ll tell you how I interpret it. Then you can tell me whether I got it.
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> The intermissional sauna; that’s where we go between incarnations.  The piece leaves it up to the reader to decide if this is the path for all souls, or whether only a certain breed of soul does it in the way described.
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>  
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> The incarnations, which are referred to as assignments, happen in all the environments possible in the Universe. Maybe also in different dimensions.  The piece explores just a few of the kinds of existences that are possible. It invites the reader to do some speculation of their own.
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> Time is a different matter in different places. Beings live very brief to astoundingly long periods when compared with human standards.
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> One thing that wasn’t clear is how immersed these souls were in these variant lives. Do they lose their awareness of who they really are during an incarnation, or are they kind of only tasting these lives?
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> The ‘clear light’ is total awareness or enlightenment.
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> The philosophy follows the idea that these beings or souls have devolved from their clear identification of who they are as unlimited consciousnesses   and now are undergoing these assignments of fragmented ways of being in order, eventually, to return to their original state of godhood, or total identification with God.
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> The sauna is a process of cleansing the soul from the traumas and limitations of the various incarnations.
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> A spotlight is focused upon Humanity. Basically we’re a mixed bag. We’re all mixed up. We are a strange mix of disasters, unlimited potential, limitations, good, evil, sensitivity, wisdom and silliness.  Some of the other incarnations have a healing effect. But it takes a long time in the sauna to recover from the earthly assignments.
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> These assignments eventually are the means for return to the light.
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> One would think that after a lifetime on Earth as a human, he could get cat and dog straight. On the other hand, why is he talking English?
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> These beings that are in intermission seem very human to me. They judge and think like humans. Of course, I don’t know how you would make them sound otherwise, since the writer is human. Isn’t he? 
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> Meet you in the Intermissional sauna
> C By Brad Corallo
> Word count 961
>
> "Hello, my old friend, I have been waiting for you. But where were you, you
> look terrible!" 
>
> "I was on a small obscure planet named Earth. I don't recommend the place at
> all. I mean, the planet was beautiful once but the highest level life forms
> have turned the place into a workhouse out of a Dickens novel." 
>
> "What are you talking about and what in the universe is a "Dickens novel?"
>
> "Oh, sorry, Dickens was a great story teller on Earth. Hey can someone pour
> some more water on those rocks, I really need to cleanse Earth off myself!"
>
> "Yes, sorry I have been ungracious. More water and a soft cloud towel for
> your comfort." 
>
> AH, balm for the returning warrior. I really do need some to recover from
> that last mission."
>
> "Of course my friend, decompress for as long as you need. I won't bother you
> with annoying questions until you have sloughed off the detritus of your
> trying mission."
>
> "Thanks, I will tell my story after I have chilled in this lovely warm
> place---well you know what I mean." 
>
> "So, wake up my friend it has been one half an era and you appear like your
> old self again." "Yes, thank you I do feel fully unburdened. But how long
> have you been here?" 
>
> "Oh, quite a while. My last mission was on Eridani-B-prime where the life
> forms Clantajanet living rock beings have 10 Era long life spans. So, I had
> no trouble getting extended time here in the sauna." 
>
> "Well, good for you. One good thing about these crazy multiple mission
> journeys that we're all on is , they do allow for much quality time in
> between." 
>
> "Oh sure, they are very lenient about time. I mean, you could remain here
> for an Eon or two before anyone even began to try to move the process along.
> And, even after this there is the cherishing and channeling to go through
> and that also takes a good long time. When all that is over you are all gung
> ho to choose another suitable mission and take the next step on your journey
> back to The Clearlight."
>
> "Perhaps, but even after all that, I think I will retain some memory of my
> Earth mission. The highest level beings; they call them humans really, well,
> suck!" 
>
> "They do what?" "Oh sorry again just a term they use a lot down there. For
> example, when I was a roving wave lattus on Aldeberon-4, it wasn't the best
> of all missions but at least things made sense there. Earth, forget it! The
> creatures there-wow! They have such great potential but their most important
> values are greed and popular fancy. It is so discouraging!"
>
> "Well yes, that doesn't sound like much fun. Is it worse than a mission as a
> Plutonian cave slug?" 
>
> "Oh yeah, I'd be a PCS anytime over a human. They do have lower life forms;
> I think they call them dats and cogs which are pretty cool. I suggest if you
> are ever mad enough to choose to mission there, be one of those. Just forget
> about being one of those totally frustrating human creatures. You won't
> believe it but they have actually created a mechanism to destroy their
> entire species and much of the planet and its other life forms."
>
> "Really? I mean, why? Are they extraordinarily stupid?"
>
> "No, they are not exactly stupid but they don't work and play well with one
> another. They love to create artificial divisions between groups of
> themselves so they can fight."
>
> "Why do they do that? I must say it sounds pretty stupid to me!"
>
> "I really don't know why. That is the frustrating part as they also do
> things which cause them to appear as beings with great compassion. It is so
> confusing. The dats and cogs try to help them by offering unconditional love
> and the humans do love their pets but they never learn to extend such love
> to each other."
>
> "Wait a minute, what is a pet?" "Sorry again, I really have to stop using
> their expressions. When a dat or cog lives with them, they call it a pet. I
> think this means that this is a designation that the dat or cog is a
> delightful and enjoyable possession of the human it lives with."
>
> "Very curious and strange! How can other living beings be possessions?"
>
> "It is even worse than that, in their recent history, they did the same
> thing with members of their own species."
>
> "Wow, so they have created the means to destroy themselves and they enslave
> their own kind and other intelligent species. I am beginning to understand
> why you have been so affected by your mission there."
>
> "I am just hoping that when I receive the cherishing and channeling that I
> gain a greater understanding of that place through The Clearlight."
>
> "For your sake, I hope so too! I would suggest (if it fits your development
> profile) a mission on Synclavier-2 as one of their cloud beings. It is very
> peaceful and you get to observe and learn a lot." 
>
> "Well thanks, I will keep that suggestion in mind and will consider it very
> seriously at the time of choosing. But wait, another of our old companions
> has just entered the sauna. Let us greet our old friend."
>
> "Old friend we both welcome you! But you look awful. What happened?"
>
> "Oh may The Clearlight preserve me. I just came from a mission in a terrible
> place called."
>
> "Don't say it" said the first two old friends "I think we can guess!  More
> water for the rocks, quickly please!"
>
>
> Dedicated to the memory and work of Kurt Vonnegut.
> ………..
>
>  
>
> #  aBBIE
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>  
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> The first thing that my mind goes to is the last line. which is a question. I must ask, “Why would the writer ask the question?” What mother would have chosen that her daughter be blind, or have any handicap? Then I think, “The life path might not have anything to do with the blindness. “ “However, Can blindness be counted out as a major factor? Perhaps the question meant to be asked is, “does my mother approve of what I’ve done with my life, period.
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> This last line certainly would generate a lot of discussion in a group of people.
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> In the first stanza, the writer gives a good description of the painting. It offers questions and insights as to the nature of her mother. But how does the viewer know that the T.V. program was a soap opera?  How does she know it was blaring? Is the soap opera an analogy to what went on around the mother, to which she was unresponsive, which could be both good and bad? Did she have the capacity to look beyond the mundane chaos around her? Or is she just not sensitive to the family dynamics. Does she turn a blind eye to her daughter’s issues?
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> The third stanza says that the writer wants to believe that her mother is smiling at her from the picture on the wall.  Then she says, “But … etc.  The ‘but’ seems to be a negation that a benevolent, approving smile is not likely, because the mother was everything that the daughter is not. Then the writer lists several of the positive attributes that her mother had which she (her daughter) does not. Is that a reason to assume that the mother would not smile approvingly at her?  The daughter seems to wish that she had those qualities, especially that of sight.  So I’m left with many questions about the relationship between these two women. Am I reading too much between the lines? Does the author intend these ambivalences? The relationship between parents and children are often, if not always complex and full of mixed feelings.
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> It is because of these unanswered questions that the piece is powerful.
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> PORTRAIT OF MY MOTHER
>
>
> One hot Arizona summer afternoon,
> clad only in bathing suit,
> ensconced in her favorite red armchair,
> hands at her sides, relaxed,
> as if not being painted,
> she smiled at no one in particular,
> gazed into space,
> not at the television
> blaring a 1960's soap opera.
>
> Now, almost fifty years later,
> I want to believe that in death,
> she smiles at me
> from my Wyoming kitchen wall,
> but she was everything I'm not,
> a perfectionist, pretty, witty,
> and most important,
> she could see better than me.
> Would she have chosen my life's path?
> …………….
>
> # Val
>
>  
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> This poem captures the essence of a series of scenarios.  It is exquisite. The pictures are unrelated to each other. It is like walking through an art gallery, pausing to observe and absorb each one separately. They are all captivating in their own ways.
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> Great title. It puts things in perspective immediately.
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> First verse, second line: I like generous better than large nose. Maybe it’s ethnic bias.
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> The last line of verse one should be broken into two lines. Its present length is out of keeping with the line lengths of the rest of the verse.
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> Second Verse, line 2: I think it would be better if you left out ‘one.’ So it would read “cold cup of coffee in hand.
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> Second verse, 4th line: I love the short, clipped and powerful effect of this line. It works well to be shorter than the other lines.  “Where is he?”
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> Next line: I’m not sure you need the words, “no communication.” You’ve already said that in the line above.  The rest of the line adds to the picture and the emotion, as does the last line in the verse.
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> The last verse is beautiful. I don’t know if you did it on purpose, but I love the continuous roll of the rs throughout the verse.
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> When No One's There
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> 1. He sits in the oversized recliner
> 2. glasses crooked on large nose
> 3. as he dozes, head bowed,
> 4. newspaper in a disarray of pages around his slippered feet
>
> 5. She paces the livingroom
> 6. cold cup of coffee in one hand
> 7.as she checks her phone for a text--
> 8. Where is he?
> 9. no communication, dinner dry in oven
> 10. with the late news on the television
>
> 11. they Thshare a room--
> 12 twin girls in second grade,
> 13 longg dark hair spread against their pillows
> 14 as Marcy sleeps curled on her side,
> 15. Mazie's blue eyes stare at the dark ceiling
>
> 16. cat settles his long body  in the center of the coverlet,
> 17. stretches and prepares himself for a
> 18. dreamy, exquisite nap
>
>