[Critique Group 2] critiques from November session

[Alice Massa]

Holiday Greetings!Dear Group-Two writer friends,

Construction issues, book marketing, and the lovely holiday season have 
made my sending of this e-mail much later than I expected and 
wanted.Well, I guess you know what one of my New Year's resolutions will 
be.On with the show!

1.Valerie:"Doors"

What a thoughtful, thorough, and wonderful exploration of the topic 
"doors."This topic would also make a great prompt for other writers to use.

I liked the line with "to keep me separated."

While the ending was somewhat unexpected, the one-word last line is 
highly effective.

Parts of this superb poem well exemplify a rushing movement, as one 
might expect with movement through doors.Thanks for sharing this 
outstanding poem!I hope that the poet submits this poem to MAGNETS AND 
LADDERS or other publications.

2.Brad:"Music and Memory"

After "profound loss," delete comma.

"Familiar tattered garment" provides a good simile.

Change semicolon to comma after:

to move on,

Add a comma after:

far less frequent,

Delete comma after:

wounded conscious

This outstanding poem concludes with a great final line; the entirety of 
the poem well demonstrates the poet's growth as a writer.

3. Abbie--Due to my being on the board of NEWSREEL, and therefore, a 
judge for the 60th Anniversary writing contest, I am not evaluating nor 
critiquing Abbie's piece.Although I do not anticipate this issue arising 
again in the near future, I will announce as soon as possible to the 
group if I am a judge for a writing contest again.

4. Leonard:"Home, Home on the Page"

First of all, I just love the title "Home, Home on the Page"--wish I had 
thought of this one first!This title would be a great name for a blog 
and/or a great title for a book of poetry or other collection of writing 
pieces.

Using "uncle Wiggley" provides an outstanding opening.

The descriptions in this poem are very enjoyable.For example, "lime 
green bindings" gives the reader a good picture to have in mind.

Commas are needed in the following series of adjectives:

"hungry, ugly, vicious, old witch"

Change comma to semicolon:

tigers to butter;

Speaking of the scent of his first library, the poet endeared me to this 
poem."Cuddled me in its sweet bouquet" is one of my favorite lines of 
the poem.

Coincidentally, this poet gives us another perspective of the "door" 
theme with his wonderful line:

secure behind my ever-after door.

In my book, this poem is a prize-winning poem.I hope that the poet will 
someday soon write a book for children.

Once again, the poet demonstrates his ability to conjure up the emotion 
and characteristics of a young child.

* * *

Best wishes and talk to you on the26th--

Alice

December 23, 2017, Saturday

  ajm321kh at wi.rr.com



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