[Critique Group 2] My Feedback on Tonight's Pieces

[Abbie Taylor]

Brad, in these two lines, it’s not clear for what we are establishing 
meaning.

We try to distill

Some meaning in all such.

This abstract poem is definitely thought-provoking.

Leonard, I like the way you transport the reader back in time to your 
world of St. Petersburg, Florida, in the 1950’s. It reminded me of 
walking on the beach in Jupiter, barefoot. Fortunately, my brother is 
usually with me when I do this, and I can trust him to spot rattlers and 
other dangers.

Valerie, I like the way this poem makes a point in light of the events 
in Charlottesville, Virginia, and around the world.

Alice, in some cases, repeated lines in a poem can overemphasize a 
point, and this is one of them. I tried reading this poem aloud without 
all the instances of “meet me,” and to me, it sounded a lot better. I 
like “Meet us” at the end, though.

These two lines are too redundant.

we will take a gondola ride

in an authentic gondola.

Try it like this.

we will ride

in an authentic gondola.

Otherwise, I like this poem’s dreamy quality.

-- 
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author http://abbiescorner.wordpress.com
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com
abbie at mysero.net
Order my new memoir at http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com/memoir.htm

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