[Critique Group 2] Emailing: Critiques for 8-29-17 session

[James]

Critiques for 8-29-17 session 

1. Leonard's piece:

A very entertaining piece where in an east coast suburban teenager finds
himself in an undeveloped space with unsuspected dangers. I particularly
like the escape section where even the author himself doesn't know how he
got away. Something about the 2nd line of paragraph 3 "she wouldn't allow
him to allow me" caught my reading mind like a minor snag on barbed wire.
Otherwise the story flows in arch and fluid language. 
***
2. Abbie's piece:

In this piece the author remains true to the voice of her 12 year old self.
Like many of Abbie's pieces there is the perfect amount of description to
set the stage and put the reader in the picture (example: the descriptions
of each hotel room). I guess "don't drink the water also should include:
"don't trust the ice or seafood either!" 
***
3. Valarie's piece:

The feeling of this piece comes through. The comparison between an actual
battle field with the perhaps less dramatic though quite difficult emotional
and spiritual battle field of the heart in 21st century reality. Line breaks
and word choice might be a bit more refined. In line 7 "Beatists" I am not
sure what this word means. In line 12 "others" might work better than
"some." 
***
4. Alice's piece:

I have little to say other than that I love this piece! Thank you for
bringing me to this Little Italy Festival 50 years ago in Indiana. What can
I say; though I am not a black lab (possibly unfortunately) being in this
setting wags the tail of my Italian sensibilities! Bravo! 

  
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Critiques for 8-29-17 session


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