[Critique Group 2] Brad's Critiques for Tonight's Pieces Pasted

[Abbie Taylor]

Thanks, Brad, for your feedback. However, I don't think Val is able to 
read attachments with her net by phone service, so I took the liberty 
of copying your attached document and will paste it below.

***

11-29-16 Group 2 critiques

Order of pieces: V, B, A’, L, A
Order of critiques: A, L, A’, B, V

Vals piece:
A very well executed acrostic poem. I can fully relate with the 
sentiments expressed here. My first reaction was (perhaps this is the 
therapist in me) “would you like to talk about it? Maybe we can put it 
into a prospective which you can handle more comfortably using 
different coping mechanisms.” Oh well, sorry it is what I do. The last 
sentence is that of a survivor. Should the first line have a question mark?


Abbie’s piece:

A vivid description of many of the Thanksgivings that remain in my 
memory. It is unfortunate that there aren’t close friends or remaining 
family, either locally or in other places that you can be with to creat 
new good Thanksgiving  memories.

Leonard’s piece:

I like this a lot. It is very well said and right on target for me. 
Just a few suggestions: in line 7 of stanza 1 consider “rolling” in 
stead of “roaming.” In the 8th and last line of the stanza before the 2 
couplets and final line consider “gender” in stead of “sex.” With 
denial, came the rule of blame,
“All our problems are caused by others.” I think this is a great line 
that sums it all up. I fear that denial and blame will be heard all too 
often in days to come.

Alice’s piece:

A beautifully executed word painting that captures the “house “; really 
more of a home, with its multigenerational history and its surrounding 
environs.  Just a few thoughts: “the gob pile of shale”- what does this 
mean? Maybe one would have to be there but the comparative images used 
in the upcoming line don’t work well for me: “with clumps of 
lilies-of-the-valley clinging to her east side like pretty paint on 
toenails.” However these next lines are so descriptive with so few 
words: “ the perennial porch swing, successful hummingbird feeder, and 
wrought iron  bedeck the large front porch from where three points of 
the compass can offer a view of  the lawn, west of the white-rocked 
driveway, sinking (due to the abandoned underground coal shaft filling 
with water),” I am there! I love it!

-- 
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author http://abbiescorner.wordpress.com
http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com
abbie at mysero.net
Order my new memoir at http://www.abbiejohnsontaylor.com/memoir.htm