[Critique Group 1] DeAnna's Critiques for 5-31-23

[Deanna Noriega]

Sally,

May 13

Thank you, the poem brought tears to my eyes, since this is the path I am
currently walking. Your gentle touch handled the gradual diminishing of a
loved one's nature with increasing disability. The last stanza brought
comfort to my sadness. I too promised and am doing my best to honor that
promise.

 

Leonard,

Any Change Means Disaster

At the end of the second stanza, there needs to be a question mark after the
word (befall.)

In the last stanza, there is a space between the word (effect) and the
period at the end of the sentence.

I am not sure of any revisions or suggestions other than some of the lines
scan as awkward, but the lines workout.

 

Cleora

Passing it forwad?

This is a good second chapter to your first story about the mugger
assaulting the blind girl in the park. 

There are some punctuation and unnecessary words, but I know Marcia will do
a better job of spotting them than I could. 

You misspelled through spelling it (thru).

You have a wrong word, (sense) which should be (since), before she couldn't
return it,

Are you going to write more of these? I ask because in the first one I
didn't think the mugger was old. Maybe I am not remembering the details
clearly though. I mentioned your story to my husband and he thought the idea
was clever. 

 

Marcia,

Sweet and appropriate for your school's newsletter. I can find nothing I
would change or suggest. Your writing is concise, contains a touch of humor
and flows well.

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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