[Critique Group 1] Cleora's august notes

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

Sally
a sad desperate poem
asking the question I think we all ask sometimes
questioning if God is there.
Is He listening?
The Bible says He is.
At times like this I think of the book of Psalms, and wonder at the faith of David.
As usual, I find no technical issues except that there were multiple blank lines which I think are probably inserted by the email system.
Take care.
Perhaps a friend to call on would help.

Marsha
Now I see where much of the material for the book you are working on came from.
Doesn't seem that the real perp is one of the characters in the book.
I think it would be good to leave out the part about the rape in talking to reunion attendees.
I sort of regret not going to my own high school reunion.
I was surprised that they held it here in Fort Worth. The following ones have been at other places far away.
at the time, I was having difficulty walking and sitting or standing for any period of time.
They offered to have someone come pick me up but I didn't want to have to wait until they were ready to leave, or ask them to leave early because I needed to go home.
I might go now, if the opportunity arose again.
Thing is, I wondered why I would want to have an evening with people who for the most part made my life miserable for 12 years.
I don't think they have a clue how lasting an effect the things they did had on me.
To them, it was just entertainment at my expense.
I don’t think you need to mention rape, I would just hit the high points.
The successes let them know what you have been able to accomplish in spite of your visual impairment.
Thought it was well written and laid out.

Leonard
A tongue in cheek delivery of an affliction that apparently hits us all.
I thought I was going to avoid it by keeping my spine in alignment.
I guess I lost my 2 inches because of the drug that dissolved away 2 disks in my back.
But, I would have thought the door exercise would have kept the spine from compacting,
which is why I'm told we shrink.
sigh
Hopefully you can hold onto the rest of it.
Marsha answered the question about foot vs feet
Mine came as one long stream of text and I just broke it at each sentence for readability.
They only thing I wondered about was everything else talks about inches & feet and then there is the reference to centimeters.
a centimeter is one thirtieth of an inch.
but, that would work as well in the piece. So, except that most people will not have a reference other than a small amount, I don't know that it would make sense to keep the reference in inches.

DeAnna
Thought it was good.
Only thing, is I wonder about making it more gender neutral or inclusive.
It refers to the child as he through.
I thought about "The child" and '"a child" references instead, but I realize that would be hard to work that in.