[Critique Group 1] August 29th 2023 Critiques--DeAnna

[Deanna Noriega]

Cleora

Dilemma

(The animal part was warm) 

Try: The picture of the dolphin on the card felt warm and leathery.

(It was Like the creature was alive.)

Try: The image almost felt alive.

Delete the word (afterward) it isn't necessary.

(As her friends) needs an apostrophe since it is a possessive noun, as does
(her friends name.)

(While They sat at the bar waiting for a table.) is a phrase, so doesn't
need a period. Also, the word (They) doesn't need a capital letter. 

Try: While they waited for a table, they sat at the bar.

The sentence: (A woman with a service dog came up and sat on the stool on
Cleatta's left.) has too many unnecessary words.

Try: A woman with a service dog came and sat on the stool next to Cleatta. 

There is a space between the period and the closing quotation mark at the
end of the sentence: ("it was stolen.")

Leonard

Each line is double spaced. I can't tell if this is a mental musing or
supposed to be a poem.

 

Marcia

Blink?

No suggestions, but I doubt your former classmates will drag-out their own
dirty linens. After all, they will be too busy marveling that the ones who
hadn't grown into their features and bodies in their teens,  have turned
into swans as mature adults. They will compare who looks great and who has
sadly gone to seed. I suspect that you will come-out just fine in this
superficial analysis. You will have two male escorts, when some will be
widowed or divorced, have put on tons of weight or begun to look really
wrinkled and saggy.

 

Sally

Concise, and honest. We aren't grateful everyday, sometimes even sweet
serene souls get frustrated by what is, instead of finding those nuggets of
peace and contentment. You have had a rough year health and spiritwise. I
think God can accept honesty. My mother always told us she was less likely
to be angry with us five energetic children if we honestly admitted to our
failings or mistakes than if we lied about them.

Hugs to all,

DQN

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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