[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Martia's sub

[Leonard Tuchyner]

I can’t find any flaws.  

What do we know? 

We know that Robbie has alienated 2 women 

for which he has the hots. 

We know that Pete has the guts to stand up toRobbie, 

but not to a woman he is interested in. 

What does that mean, in terms of a suspect? 

Don’t know. 

Chiki is a new prospect. 

I don’t know if I’ve heard of her before. 

It’s easy to see how Robbie alienates just aboutany body. 

Right now, my money is on Carl. 

He is the least likely, therefore the mostlikely. 

You’ve got me chasing my tail.  

I think the writing is good. 

It’s also easy to see Veronica making enemies.

 

 

Martia sub for Oct 22

 

 

2015 words

 

Chapter 19

Frozen Out

 

Robbie patrolled the crowds along Main StreetSaturday morning during the start of Doe Lake’s Winter Ice Fest parade. Fromacross the street, he watched Claudia photograph the spectacle. The high schoolband, marching in new uniforms, was followed by a brigade of volunteerfirefighters tossing candy off the back of the town’s newest fire engine. Thatyear’s Ice Queen, the librarian, waved at spectators as she floated down MainStreet on her throne chiseled from ice.

 

The Millwood Furniture float featuring afisherman snoozing on a plush leather couch prompted laughter fromonlookers.  The flatbed trailer was pulled by a pick-up with Karl behindthe wheel. The truck was moving slow enough for Officer Braun to hoist himselfinto the cab beside Karl.

 

“Okay if I ride along, Karl?” Robbie asked thestartled driver. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about what’s going on atMillwood.”

 

Karl’s handlebar mustache twitched in surprise.

 

“Officer Braun…well, I’ll be. What’s going on atMillwood?” Karl stared at Robbie in astonishment.

 

“Just between us,” Robbie assured Karl, “I’veheard someone is harassing Barringer at work. You and Veronica are tight,right?”

 

Karl giggled nervously, “You’ve got the wrongidea if you think I’m interested in Veronica that way.”

 

“Naw, Karl. I’ve got your number.” Robbie waveda hand dismissively.  “I mean you and Veronica are pals, right? You go outto lunch with her sometimes, right? Just thought you might know if someone atMillwood is bothering her.”

 

“Well, sometimes Hamilton hassles Veronica, butthat’s no big deal. They’re competing for the same promotion,” Karl said.

 

“Do you think Hamilton is just hasslingBarringer, or would she actually threaten Veronica wit harm?” Robbie watchedKarl’s face to gauge his reaction.

 

Karl stared straight ahead and pumped the brakesto keep his truck a safe distance from the Ice Queen float. They were nearingthe end of the parade route.

 

“Naw, Michelle is strong-willed but she can getwhat she wants without hurting Veronica,” Karl answered. “She’ll simplystrong-arm Reed and Roberts to get the job. They know she’s got dirt onMillwood.”

 

“What kind of dirt?” Robbie considered this newinformation.

 

“Michelle’s been at Millwood a long time,” Karlshrugged. “Who knows what she knows.”

 

“So, that means Reed and Roberts don’t have anyreason to threaten Veronica either. If anything, they’d be after Hamilton tokeep her quiet, right?”

 

“There’s one other guy at Millwood who pestersVeronica, but Veronica can handle him, no problem,” Karl said.

 

“You mean Pete? He’s got the hots for her allright.”

 

“Yeah, but Veronica just brushes him off. Shedoesn’t need any help beating off unwanted advances, but you already know that…” Karl glanced my way, giggling again.

 

“Guess this is my stop,” Robbie said, hoppingout of the cab. First Pete, then Michelle, now Karl knew Veronica had refusedOfficer Braun’s advances. Adding to his frustration, Robbie wasn’t any closerto tagging Veronica’s stalker than before.

After the parade, contestants packed the DoeLake Bar and Grill to pick up registration materials. Shoulder-to-shoulder, thelocal boys bragged over a beer about the one that got away.

 

Claudia caught Robbie’s eye from across theroom. She was cornered by Pete at the bar. Before Robbie could press his waypast the line to reach her, she shoved her half-empty glass of beer across thebar and ducked out the back door. Talk about the one that got away, Robbiemuttered. Claudia might have dodged him that day, but she couldn’t freeze himout forever, Robbie thought. If he took first place, she’d be forced tointerview him for The Messenger the next day. Prizes would be presented to thewinners at the fish fry following the ice fishing competition.

 

Meanwhile, Veronica waved Robbie over to hertable. He nudged her current admirer out of the way.

 

“Looks like you need a refill, bud,” he said,tucking a five dollar bill into the guy’s flannel shirt pocket.

 

“Have a seat, Robbie, and give me the quick rundown,” Veronica said. “It’s noisy enough no one should hear us talking. Haveyou figured out who is hounding me, and why?”

 

“I gotta say, Veronica, you’ve made a fewenemies at Millwood. Michelle despises you, but it sounds like she doesn’t needyou out of the way to get what she wants. And Pete is too afraid of his ownshadow to go after what he wants,” Robbie said. “That leaves Reed and Roberts,but they seem to like having you around.”

 

“Is that all you’ve got, Braun?” Veronica tappedher manicured nails on the table in irritation.

 

“Well, I suppose another rival or a jilted lovercould be playing games with you,” Robbie suggested. “Maybe someone will getnervous knowing I’m investigating and do something stupid to give himselfaway.”

 

“Something stupid? Like coming after me? Thanksfor nothing, Robbie. You’re nothing but a poser, a wanna-be cop that can’t becounted on to do the job,” Veronica hissed.

 

“Now Veronica, could be you’re making a big dealover nothing,” Officer Braun said in his defense.

 

“You think I’m making something out of nothing,Braun? Another note was delivered to my hotel room in New York. Someone sure isgoing to a lot of trouble for nothing.”

 

“I haven’t given up yet, Veronica. Is theresomeone else you can think of who might have it out for you?” Robbie said. “Getthis - Michelle thinks it might even be me – you know, since you threw me off.That’s a laugh, right?”

 

“Do you see me laughing, Robbie? Come to thinkabout it, you do have the opportunity, and the motive. You knew where I wasstaying in Manhattan. Maybe I was wrong to trust you. Maybe I should warnClaudia…”

 

Veronica shoved her chair back and pushed herway past Pete. Robbie hoped he’d been standing out of ear shot.

 

Pete slugged his beer and said, “Looks likeyou’re on a roll, Robbie. Isn’t that the second doe that got away from you today?Can’t wait to see how well you do on the ice tomorrow.”

 

At dawn, Robbie shouldered his way through thecrowd gathered at the pavilion. Participants were maneuvering snowmobilesloaded with supplies to the starting point. Volunteers were setting up tablesfor the fish fry.

 

“I’ll check you in right here, Robbie,” said Mr.K who was manning the registration table. “You looking to hook the big one thisyear?” he asked.

 

“You know it,” Robbie said. In fact, OfficerBraun was intending to hook a 30-inch pike and set a new record. His personalbest was a two-foot catch the previous year. This year, he had his eye on firstplace, worthy of a new 1978 Ford pick-up truck, or that year’s second placeprize, a spiffy Winchester rifle. Third place only netted a one hundred dollarshopping spree at Doe Lake Bait and Tackle – good enough for a third-rate loserlike Pete, not him, Robbie thought.

 

Rules for the contest were strict. After thejudges inspected his gear and nailed an entry number to the door of his plywoodshanty, Robbie revved up his Arctic Cat, prepared to haul his equipment to hispreferred spot on the ice.

 

>From his vantage point, Robbie scoped out thecompetition. He spotted Claudia near the registration table interviewing Pete,of all people. Wearing woolen mittens, she fumbled with her pencil andnotebook.

 

That should be me, Robbie thought, but he’dblown it with Claudia. He flinched, remembering her harsh words with regret.

 

“Why did I think I could trust either one ofyou? Get out,” Claudia had cried.

 

Robbie then noticed Veronica. She stood alone onthe fringe of the crowd, watching Pete and Claudia. She’d frozen him out, too.Her icy words echoed in his mind.

 

“Thanks for nothing, Robbie. You’re nothing buta poser, a wanna-be cop that can’t be counted on to do the job.”

 

Robbie shivered. He turned back to the task athand, determined to shake off their cold rebuke.

 

At the eight o’clock whistle, he dragged hissmall home for the day onto the ice and situated it above a deep spot in a covethat he favored. After he off-loaded his supplies, he steered his snowmobileback to the shore. Before Robbie was off the ice, Pete cut him off. His Ski-Dooglanced Robbie’s runner.

 

“You asshole,” Braun yelled. He hopped off hiscat and grabbed Pete by the collar. Pete landed face down on the ice.Sputtering, he sat up and wiped his bloody nose on the sleeve of his orangehunting coat.

 

“Watch where you’re going, Petey. You don’t wantto get in my way today,” Robbie growled.

 

“You don’t own the lake, Braun,” Pete said,scrambling to his feet.

 

“I should have you disqualified for recklessdriving,” Robbie shouted over his shoulder as he stomped back to hissnowmobile.

 

“You threatening me, Braun?”

 

“You got that right,” Robbie retorted. “Betterbe careful - you might fall through a fishing hole and get trapped under theice.”

 

“You’re gonna regret pushing me around,” Petemuttered.

 

Robbie bent to inspect his snowmobile and moanedunder his breath. Both Claudia and Veronica were observing the commotion. Fatchance either woman would warm up to him now with yet one more reason to avoidhim.

 

Even so, Robbie didn’t intend to sit alone inthe cold. There were plenty of fish in the lake, so to speak. After Claudia andVeronica had walked out on Robbie at the bar, he had snagged Chicky to keep himcompany on the ice.

 

Inside his shed, Robbie raised the trap door andbegan driving the working edge of a spud through the foot-thick ice. He workedthe long metal pole in a circle to carve a large hole. The loosened ice droppedinto the lake when he gave it a good kick. Black water cold as hell kissed thefrigid air. Next, Robbie carved three smaller openings through the ice outsidethe shanty to heighten his advantage. He rigged each hole with a wire and a redtip-up flag to alert him when a fish hit the hook.

 

That accomplished, Robbie arranged his gearinside the tight shanty. He set the kerosene stove next to his camp chair,perched beside the bait bucket next to the beer cooler, across from anothercamp chair soon to be warmed by a hot-blooded woman who would admire hisprowess.

 

Sweating by then in his snowmobile suit, Robbiesettled in for the day-long event. He was anxious to drop the line of his jigpole into the depths of Doe Lake at the eleven o’clock starting bell. Peeringout the window from his cozy hiding place, he spied Claudia taking pictures ofFamilies and friends hooping and hollering on shore. The atmosphere wasfestive. Snow sculptures incongruously circled the lake. An imaginary flyingsaucer stood next to a life-like deer next to the ice queen’s throne.

 

A knock on the door of his shelter alertedRobbie that his guest had arrived. Chicky bounced into the hut, raising thetemperature a few notches. She placed a thermos of hot coffee on the kerosenestove, and she balanced a flask of whiskey on top of the cooler. Chicky wasn’tas cute as Claudia or Veronica, Robbie thought, but she’d do the trick that day.

 

The signal to start fishing sounded. Thecompetitive spirit was thicker than ice. Following the starting bell at eleven,a quiet four hours would pass before the judges began measuring and weighingthe entries.

 

* * *

 

After taking photographs at the starting events,Claudia ventured out on her cross country skis. She wanted to escape thecongestion of revelers and noisy snowmobilers. The results wouldn’t come inuntil three o’clock. She had plenty of time to circle the 10-mile perimeter ofthe lake.

 

She wondered if Robbie was sitting alone in hisshanty or if Veronica was keeping him warm. Claudia tried to tell herself shedidn’t care.

 

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Gro

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