[Critique Group 1] Sally's May comments

[sanford.rosenthal at comcast.net]

I got my COVID second booster on Monday afternoon and feel as though I have
been run over by a truck.  I plan to be on the call tonight but am not sure
how long I can stay on.  So, I am sending my comments early. 

May comments from Sally:

DeAnna:  I love the harmony and respect of this poem.  Should "first nation"
be capitalized?  Should the names of specific animal species be capitalized
in the context of this poem?  You need a comma before and after "too."
There should be a comma after "furred and feathered relatives"  "Each one"
is singular, so the "are" following it should be "is."

Leonard: This is truer than I wish it were.  Your choice of words is spot
on.  I love how "saunters" with its leisurely meaning is the polar opposite
of what you hear.  Good use of onomatopia. I didn't know about the
songbirds, but it is an excellent way to end the poem.

Cleora:  I like this story more and more with each chapter.  I was surprised
that the nurse told Mrs. Carper that Gary was in the home; this violated
patient confidentialty.  I also wonder if there are some paragraphs missing
since it is a long jump from the home's reception desk scene to the three
people having Christmas dinner.  There should be a few in-between scenes of
the grandmother and Gary meeting and what they discussed.  Legally, I don't
think the husband could have forced his wife to admit a minor to the home.
Somewhere in the searching for a placement and having Gary admitted, social
services would have become involved and called in protective services.

Marcia This is terrific.  The dialogue flows and moves the story along.  The
use of Chickie and Rooster as small-town names is perfect.  Very funny and
makes the reader want to turn page after page.  

 

 

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