[Critique Group 1] February 2022 Critiques

[Deanna Noriega]

Sally:

 

I noticed you haven't titled this one yet. Perhaps Susquehanna would work. 

I don't see any places I would change. Melancholy but with a sense of flow,
like the river. The spirit moves on while it appears to stand still.

 

Marcia

Doe Lake Part 2 draft1

I like the snappy rhythm of this chapter. You have managed to change the
whole narrative flow. It is quick, slightly superior in tone and fits
Veronica's sharper, quick, arrogant personality. Claudia is softer, less
confident, mildly self deprecating in the chapters where she is the
viewpoint. I think she is also kinder. Good contrast.

 

Leonard,

Cold Little Bird

I loved this piece. It reminded me of a day when my younger daughter was
passing through the green house that led out of the back door to our kitchen
to find a hummingbird darting around trying to evade one of our cats. That
cat had been trying to teach a rescued kitten how to hunt by bringing in
bats, garter snakes and mice, letting them go for the kitten to catch. The
exterior door to the green house and the back door to the kitchen both had
cat doors in them. My daughter's Ojibwa name is hummingbird. She reached out
to the tiny bird wwith an open palm. The tired bird flew to her and she was
able to open the exterior door and walk outside to release the tiny
passenger resting on her hand. I think that animals do understand when you
don't intend to harm them. Then again, perhaps Hummingbird recognized
hummingbird girl.

 

 

 

Cleora

I never found your submission. I will certainly write a critique if you
resend it to me.

Sorry,

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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