[Critique Group 1] Leonards comments on october pieces

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

Ireally  enjoyed this poem. 



It definesthe English victory garden



. It has anice rhythm and good sounds. 



There is agood amount of  alliteration and rsounds.  



Beautiful.No wasted words. 
                                               “NEEDS MUST.



 



 subfor Oct



 




 



 


Massivepaws lumbering along



familiarEnglish garden paths,



my aunt’sgentle mastiffs are perplexed



to findroses replaced by rhubarb.



Wherelarkspur and lavender flourished,



courgettesand carrots await harvesting.




 


What arecourcettes 




 


Near dark,gnarled yew trees from which



the ancienthouse takes its name,




 


What arecorcettes? What is the house’s name.




 


rows ofpotatoes and peas are nourished



By soil andsun in a ravaged



andrationed nation’s victory garden.




 


 I am  particularly fond of these last three lines.




 


nature’sabundance will feed



thehomefront until, Hitler defeated,



Englishroses bloom again.



 



Love theending.




 


By SallyRosenthal




 

------

 

 

Deanna sub for October 21



 

 

Wow. Surprise ending. It was a woman.  



Yu did a good job of describing all the characters in this scenario. 



You also displayed a good command of male vocabulary  . 



Somehow, that all conspired to lead the reader into a surprise trap. 



The   reader’s sympathy isdefinitely on the female’s side.  



You made murder seem like a reasonable thing.



 

 

 

ByDeAnna Quietwater Noriega



 



               Arie Carter swerved her VW into the driveway at her grandmother's house. She set the parking brake and noticed Kiki Vanderholt sprawled on alounge-chair in the front yard next door.  Kiki's blonde opulent figurethreatened to escape from the thong bikini she wore.  It was a glorioussummer day--Arie had to admit--but didn't the girl know about the risks ofskin-cancer and the aging effects of sun tanning?  Not for Kiki apparently-- the privacy of a backyard sunbath, when she could soak up the rays andadmiration of any handy male-members of the population.  Her audienceseemed a bit thin today. 



 



               Across the street, that creepy Mathews guy with the tattoos was absorbed inworking on his car.  In the yard on the other side of Granddee's was MikeTanner, crouched over his mother's flower bed pulling weeds.  He is tooshy to pay much attention to girls guessed Arie.  As she slid from thecar, she glanced down at her lanky six-foot jean-clad self.  Arie’scupid-bow lips quirked in to a wry smile. There was no competition here for thegolden sun-worshiper. Shaking back her mop of dark hair, Arie glanced at herwatch.  One-thirty already? If she hurried, she could get the shoppingdone and make it back to help Granddee fix dinner.  Then they would havetime to relax and talk until Mable returned from her day off.  Ariestretched and headed up the walk to fetch granddee's shopping list. 



               



               Biff Mathews gave a sidelong glance to the candy-apple red bug as it pulledinto the driveway across the road.  "Here comes the piece with thelegs!  Man oh man, would he like to have those wrapped around him in thebackseat of his wheels!  Not much on top, for true, but she was realclass.  Not like the fat-assed bitch living next door to the oldlady.  She was a cock-tease by the look of her, parading around, lettingit all hang-out.  Bet the Tanner geek was getting an eyeful.  Whyelse would he be out pretending to help his mommy in the yard?  Now thehot tamale working at Safeway on Saturdays had primo tits, but she thought shewas too good for a guy with grease under his nails.  She oughta be glad awhite guy was even interested in her.  But no!  She hadda go runningoff crying like a little kid.  If those headlights hadn't turned into thelot, he would have shown her what a real man was like!"



 



               Kiki turned her head lazily to watch old Mrs. Carter's goody-goodygranddaughter pull her beetle into the driveway next door.  Guess shedidn't have anything better to do on a Sunday afternoon than to run errands forthe old bat, (considering she had a figure like a boy and legs like Olive Oylfrom the Popeye cartoons.)  Her hair looked like she'd stuck her finger ina light socket or something.  How she ever scrunched herself in to thatdinky car anyway was a mystery.  Good, she pulled far enough into thedrive not to block Mikey's view.  He's a nerd, but maybe if Biff noticedhim 



Double ifs. Did you meanone of them to mean  (she?) Is Kiki stilldoing the talking here?



 

looking he'd get alittle jealous.  Now there's a real hunk!  Kiki considered getting upand casually strolling over to ask if he wanted a cold drink -- it being so hotand all.  She wondered if ma would notice if she snagged a  couple of beers?  Biff didn't look likethe type to go for a diet coke. 



               Michael Tanner grunted as he hauled another strand of Bermuda-grass out of hisexperimental (bloom all growing season) bed of bulbs.  Ah here sheis.  He sat back on his heels to watch Ariana flow out of her cute redcar.  She stretched like a panther and moved gracefully up the walk,tossing her cloud of raven curls back.  Her hair gleamed like ruffledmidnight satin against the red top she wore with her tapered jeans.  Shemoved like a dancer making walking a symphony of motion.  Maybe he shouldcut some of the red tulips that matched her shirt and take them over to Mrs.Carter when Ariana came back with the groceries.  They might invite him infor iced-tea and some of those chocolate chip cookies with cashews Mrs. Carterbaked.  Michael shoved his glasses back up on his freckled nose and wishedhe were taller.  Ariana would never pay attention to a guy who had to lookup to meet those beautiful brown eyes with the amber flecks in them.  Ifthey did invite him in, he could at least watch her laughing and talking withher grandmother for awhile.  As he bent to resume his weeding, he notedthat Kiki was out trying to catch the attention of Bertram Mathews, theincredible hulk across the street.  He hoped she didn't end up with apainful sun-burn for her trouble.  Poor little butter-cup was wasting hertime on that moron.  The jerk wasn't worth half the effort she put intothe project. 



 



               Delia Carter leaned out of her wheelchair to pull back the curtains.  Sheheard the distinctive burr, like an overgrown lawn mower, of hergranddaughter's ridiculous little slug-bug as it turned into the drive. Ariana Marie Carter, you're late as usual my girl!  A fond smile touched Delia'slips, as she watched Arie unfold from the car and arch her spine.  Lord!The girl was wearing one of those elastic tube tops that barely covered enoughto be decent!  The red shade was nice though.  It made her skin glowlike mother-of-pearl.  It brought out the highlights in the black maneflowing in a glossy cascade over the girl's bare-shoulders.  She hadDavid's height and Amanda's high cheekbones and delicate features.  Shewas definitely going to be a heart-breaker when she finally out-grew the coltishstage -- not like that chubby little Vanderholt girl next door.  By thetime Kiki (what a silly name) reached thirty, her bust would be drooping downto her navel.  By then, Arie would have become an eleganthead-turner.  Delia reached for her shopping list as she watched the childlope up the walk.



 



               Danny Martinez slowed his Mustang as he turned on to the street.  Yeh,there was the shit-head messing with the engine of his crappy old junker. Witnesses?  A babe across the street--looked like maybe she was asleep, askinny kid going into the house next to that and an old guy digging in the dirt-- no problemo!  Danny checked to see if Angel was ready.



 



               "Angel-of-death, that's me, steady the barrel of the gun on the frame ofthe open car window.  Time to say bye-bye ass-hole, gently squeeze thetrigger." 



 



               At the crack of the gunshot, Arie spun to see the old Ford with chrome rimsspeed up to lay down rubber as it rounded the corner.  She watched inhorror as the Mathews guy slowly slid off the engine of his car and crumpled tothe ground.   A red stain blossomed on his dirty tee-shirt.



 



              "Granddee call for an ambulance and phone the police! Someone’s beenshot!" Arie sprinted across the street.



 



               Michael Tanner jumped at the loud bang.  He glanced at the car that hadjust passed.  It sped up and squealed into the turn onto Oak at the end ofthe block.  He noted that the license-plate read (494 DAY).  AtAriana's shout, his eyes followed her dash across the street to kneel besideBert Mathews.  He scrambled to his feet to follow her to offer what helphe could. 



 



               Kiki looked through her lashes as the forest green car approached. She wonderedif she should shop for a coat in that shade for school next fall.  It wasa good color to bring out the green of her eyes and the gold of her hair. She saw that the Mexican guy driving was checking her out as the carslowed.  The second guy was turned away, but he looked to be a greasertoo.  She frowned at the loud back-fire and wrinkled her nose in disgustas the old heap sped up and turned the corner.  She yawned and then jerkedto a sitting position as Carrie? Mary? Terrie? whatever her name was  ranacross the street.  She began to scream when she saw Biff lying on theground in a widening pool of blood. 



 Who did thescreaming?



               Delia Carter had turned her chair away from the window to greet Ariana when hergranddaughter spun back out of the doorway shouting about police and anambulance.  Delia reached for the cell phone holstered at her waist. Shewheeled to the open door to see what had gotten Ariana all worked up.  Asshe dialed, she saw Mike Tanner run across to join Arie, where she kneltchecking for a pulse in the wrist of the man on the ground. "Oh lord! itwas that hoodlum, the Mathews boy!"  Mike's ash-blonde head bentclose to Arie's ebony one.  He pulled a bandana from his pocket andappeared to be pressing it against the wound.  "Good! Arie hadsomeone sensible to help her until the authorities arrived."  



 



               Officer Jeff Phelps frowned as he finished keying in his notes from theeye-witness accounts.  God he hated these drive-by shootings.  Atleast this one seemed to have gone off without involving any innocent littlekids or anything.  The license number was a bust.  It came off a maroon SUV that belonged to the manager of a super market six blocks from theshooting.  The owner had no idea when it had been lifted, since he alwaysparked his car at the back of the lot where he worked.  The victimappeared to be the type to get himself into trouble, but had no known gangaffiliation.  Too bad he was DOA and couldn't explain why anyone wanted toput out his lights.  This one was probably not going to go anywhere,unless they could tie him to a particular run-in with one of the Hispanicstreet gangs.  Even then, looking for an older dark green muscle carwasn't going to be that easy." 



 



               Angel sat on the edge of Anita's bed, gently stroking the silky dark hairspread across the pillow.  "It's going to be okay Mija.  Thatbastard won't ever try to lay a hand on you or hurt any other girl again! I have to get back to base now, cuz my unit is shipping out to the middleeast.  You do good in school and try to forget that pendejo everexisted.  Danny will look out for you.  Say your rosary for me andthe guys every night chica."  Sergeant Angela Martinez kissed hersister's cheek, squared her shoulders, rising to stride out of the r

-------

 

 

Deanna sub for October 21



 

 

Wow. Surprise ending. It was a woman.  



Yu did a good job of describing all the characters in this scenario. 



You also displayed a good command of male vocabulary  . 



Somehow, that all conspired to lead the reader into a surprise trap. 



The   reader’s sympathy isdefinitely on the female’s side.  



You made murder seem like a reasonable thing.



 

 

 

ByDeAnna Quietwater Noriega



 



               Arie Carter swerved her VW into the driveway at her grandmother's house. She set the parking brake and noticed Kiki Vanderholt sprawled on alounge-chair in the front yard next door.  Kiki's blonde opulent figurethreatened to escape from the thong bikini she wore.  It was a glorioussummer day--Arie had to admit--but didn't the girl know about the risks ofskin-cancer and the aging effects of sun tanning?  Not for Kiki apparently-- the privacy of a backyard sunbath, when she could soak up the rays andadmiration of any handy male-members of the population.  Her audienceseemed a bit thin today. 



 



               Across the street, that creepy Mathews guy with the tattoos was absorbed inworking on his car.  In the yard on the other side of Granddee's was MikeTanner, crouched over his mother's flower bed pulling weeds.  He is tooshy to pay much attention to girls guessed Arie.  As she slid from thecar, she glanced down at her lanky six-foot jean-clad self.  Arie’scupid-bow lips quirked in to a wry smile. There was no competition here for thegolden sun-worshiper. Shaking back her mop of dark hair, Arie glanced at herwatch.  One-thirty already? If she hurried, she could get the shoppingdone and make it back to help Granddee fix dinner.  Then they would havetime to relax and talk until Mable returned from her day off.  Ariestretched and headed up the walk to fetch granddee's shopping list. 



               



               Biff Mathews gave a sidelong glance to the candy-apple red bug as it pulledinto the driveway across the road.  "Here comes the piece with thelegs!  Man oh man, would he like to have those wrapped around him in thebackseat of his wheels!  Not much on top, for true, but she was realclass.  Not like the fat-assed bitch living next door to the oldlady.  She was a cock-tease by the look of her, parading around, lettingit all hang-out.  Bet the Tanner geek was getting an eyeful.  Whyelse would he be out pretending to help his mommy in the yard?  Now thehot tamale working at Safeway on Saturdays had primo tits, but she thought shewas too good for a guy with grease under his nails.  She oughta be glad awhite guy was even interested in her.  But no!  She hadda go runningoff crying like a little kid.  If those headlights hadn't turned into thelot, he would have shown her what a real man was like!"



 



               Kiki turned her head lazily to watch old Mrs. Carter's goody-goodygranddaughter pull her beetle into the driveway next door.  Guess shedidn't have anything better to do on a Sunday afternoon than to run errands forthe old bat, (considering she had a figure like a boy and legs like Olive Oylfrom the Popeye cartoons.)  Her hair looked like she'd stuck her finger ina light socket or something.  How she ever scrunched herself in to thatdinky car anyway was a mystery.  Good, she pulled far enough into thedrive not to block Mikey's view.  He's a nerd, but maybe if Biff noticedhim 



Double ifs. Did you meanone of them to mean  (she?) Is Kiki stilldoing the talking here?



 

looking he'd get alittle jealous.  Now there's a real hunk!  Kiki considered getting upand casually strolling over to ask if he wanted a cold drink -- it being so hotand all.  She wondered if ma would notice if she snagged a  couple of beers?  Biff didn't look likethe type to go for a diet coke. 



               Michael Tanner grunted as he hauled another strand of Bermuda-grass out of hisexperimental (bloom all growing season) bed of bulbs.  Ah here sheis.  He sat back on his heels to watch Ariana flow out of her cute redcar.  She stretched like a panther and moved gracefully up the walk,tossing her cloud of raven curls back.  Her hair gleamed like ruffledmidnight satin against the red top she wore with her tapered jeans.  Shemoved like a dancer making walking a symphony of motion.  Maybe he shouldcut some of the red tulips that matched her shirt and take them over to Mrs.Carter when Ariana came back with the groceries.  They might invite him infor iced-tea and some of those chocolate chip cookies with cashews Mrs. Carterbaked.  Michael shoved his glasses back up on his freckled nose and wishedhe were taller.  Ariana would never pay attention to a guy who had to lookup to meet those beautiful brown eyes with the amber flecks in them.  Ifthey did invite him in, he could at least watch her laughing and talking withher grandmother for awhile.  As he bent to resume his weeding, he notedthat Kiki was out trying to catch the attention of Bertram Mathews, theincredible hulk across the street.  He hoped she didn't end up with apainful sun-burn for her trouble.  Poor little butter-cup was wasting hertime on that moron.  The jerk wasn't worth half the effort she put intothe project. 



 



               Delia Carter leaned out of her wheelchair to pull back the curtains.  Sheheard the distinctive burr, like an overgrown lawn mower, of hergranddaughter's ridiculous little slug-bug as it turned into the drive. Ariana Marie Carter, you're late as usual my girl!  A fond smile touched Delia'slips, as she watched Arie unfold from the car and arch her spine.  Lord!The girl was wearing one of those elastic tube tops that barely covered enoughto be decent!  The red shade was nice though.  It made her skin glowlike mother-of-pearl.  It brought out the highlights in the black maneflowing in a glossy cascade over the girl's bare-shoulders.  She hadDavid's height and Amanda's high cheekbones and delicate features.  Shewas definitely going to be a heart-breaker when she finally out-grew the coltishstage -- not like that chubby little Vanderholt girl next door.  By thetime Kiki (what a silly name) reached thirty, her bust would be drooping downto her navel.  By then, Arie would have become an eleganthead-turner.  Delia reached for her shopping list as she watched the childlope up the walk.



 



               Danny Martinez slowed his Mustang as he turned on to the street.  Yeh,there was the shit-head messing with the engine of his crappy old junker. Witnesses?  A babe across the street--looked like maybe she was asleep, askinny kid going into the house next to that and an old guy digging in the dirt-- no problemo!  Danny checked to see if Angel was ready.



 



               "Angel-of-death, that's me, steady the barrel of the gun on the frame ofthe open car window.  Time to say bye-bye ass-hole, gently squeeze thetrigger." 



 



               At the crack of the gunshot, Arie spun to see the old Ford with chrome rimsspeed up to lay down rubber as it rounded the corner.  She watched inhorror as the Mathews guy slowly slid off the engine of his car and crumpled tothe ground.   A red stain blossomed on his dirty tee-shirt.



 



              "Granddee call for an ambulance and phone the police! Someone’s beenshot!" Arie sprinted across the street.



 



               Michael Tanner jumped at the loud bang.  He glanced at the car that hadjust passed.  It sped up and squealed into the turn onto Oak at the end ofthe block.  He noted that the license-plate read (494 DAY).  AtAriana's shout, his eyes followed her dash across the street to kneel besideBert Mathews.  He scrambled to his feet to follow her to offer what helphe could. 



 



               Kiki looked through her lashes as the forest green car approached. She wonderedif she should shop for a coat in that shade for school next fall.  It wasa good color to bring out the green of her eyes and the gold of her hair. She saw that the Mexican guy driving was checking her out as the carslowed.  The second guy was turned away, but he looked to be a greasertoo.  She frowned at the loud back-fire and wrinkled her nose in disgustas the old heap sped up and turned the corner.  She yawned and then jerkedto a sitting position as Carrie? Mary? Terrie? whatever her name was  ranacross the street.  She began to scream when she saw Biff lying on theground in a widening pool of blood. 



 Who did thescreaming?



               Delia Carter had turned her chair away from the window to greet Ariana when hergranddaughter spun back out of the doorway shouting about police and anambulance.  Delia reached for the cell phone holstered at her waist. Shewheeled to the open door to see what had gotten Ariana all worked up.  Asshe dialed, she saw Mike Tanner run across to join Arie, where she kneltchecking for a pulse in the wrist of the man on the ground. "Oh lord! itwas that hoodlum, the Mathews boy!"  Mike's ash-blonde head bentclose to Arie's ebony one.  He pulled a bandana from his pocket andappeared to be pressing it against the wound.  "Good! Arie hadsomeone sensible to help her until the authorities arrived."  



 



               Officer Jeff Phelps frowned as he finished keying in his notes from theeye-witness accounts.  God he hated these drive-by shootings.  Atleast this one seemed to have gone off without involving any innocent littlekids or anything.  The license number was a bust.  It came off a maroon SUV that belonged to the manager of a super market six blocks from theshooting.  The owner had no idea when it had been lifted, since he alwaysparked his car at the back of the lot where he worked.  The victimappeared to be the type to get himself into trouble, but had no known gangaffiliation.  Too bad he was DOA and couldn't explain why anyone wanted toput out his lights.  This one was probably not going to go anywhere,unless they could tie him to a particular run-in with one of the Hispanicstreet gangs.  Even then, looking for an older dark green muscle carwasn't going to be that easy." 



 



               Angel sat on the edge of Anita's bed, gently stroking the silky dark hairspread across the pillow.  "It's going to be okay Mija.  Thatbastard won't ever try to lay a hand on you or hurt any other girl again! I have to get back to base now, cuz my unit is shipping out to the middleeast.  You do good in school and try to forget that pendejo everexisted.  Danny will look out for you.  Say your rosary for me andthe guys every night chica."  Sergeant Angela Martinez kissed hersister's cheek, squared her shoulders, rising to stride out of the room.  



 -------



Cleora



 

I’m Terrible at this kind of thng.  



What you have sounds fine to me. 



It has taken some of the main themes of thestory  and expressed them in a minimalamount of words. 



The themes sound interesting.



 

Cleora sub for October 21, 2021



 

63 words



elevator pitch for Legend of Sly duck



I'm currently working on a story about avisually impaired duck who starts out walking south for the winter because sheruns into things when she tries to fly.



On her journey, she befriends a grasshopper,receives an adaptive device to help her fly, and proves her worth by saving akingdom from an evil monarch. 



 

_______________________________________________



Group1 mailing list



Group1 at bluegrasspals.com



https://bluegrasspals.com/mailman/listinfo/group1






 







 



 

 

 

Deanna sub for October 21



 

 

Wow. Surprise ending. It was a woman.  



Yu did a good job of describing all the characters in this scenario. 



You also displayed a good command of male vocabulary  . 



Somehow, that all conspired to lead the reader into a surprise trap. 



The   reader’s sympathy isdefinitely on the female’s side.  



You made murder seem like a reasonable thing.



 

 

 

ByDeAnna Quietwater Noriega



 



               Arie Carter swerved her VW into the driveway at her grandmother's house. She set the parking brake and noticed Kiki Vanderholt sprawled on alounge-chair in the front yard next door.  Kiki's blonde opulent figurethreatened to escape from the thong bikini she wore.  It was a glorioussummer day--Arie had to admit--but didn't the girl know about the risks ofskin-cancer and the aging effects of sun tanning?  Not for Kiki apparently-- the privacy of a backyard sunbath, when she could soak up the rays andadmiration of any handy male-members of the population.  Her audienceseemed a bit thin today. 



 



               Across the street, that creepy Mathews guy with the tattoos was absorbed inworking on his car.  In the yard on the other side of Granddee's was MikeTanner, crouched over his mother's flower bed pulling weeds.  He is tooshy to pay much attention to girls guessed Arie.  As she slid from thecar, she glanced down at her lanky six-foot jean-clad self.  Arie’scupid-bow lips quirked in to a wry smile. There was no competition here for thegolden sun-worshiper. Shaking back her mop of dark hair, Arie glanced at herwatch.  One-thirty already? If she hurried, she could get the shoppingdone and make it back to help Granddee fix dinner.  Then they would havetime to relax and talk until Mable returned from her day off.  Ariestretched and headed up the walk to fetch granddee's shopping list. 



               



               Biff Mathews gave a sidelong glance to the candy-apple red bug as it pulledinto the driveway across the road.  "Here comes the piece with thelegs!  Man oh man, would he like to have those wrapped around him in thebackseat of his wheels!  Not much on top, for true, but she was realclass.  Not like the fat-assed bitch living next door to the oldlady.  She was a cock-tease by the look of her, parading around, lettingit all hang-out.  Bet the Tanner geek was getting an eyeful.  Whyelse would he be out pretending to help his mommy in the yard?  Now thehot tamale working at Safeway on Saturdays had primo tits, but she thought shewas too good for a guy with grease under his nails.  She oughta be glad awhite guy was even interested in her.  But no!  She hadda go runningoff crying like a little kid.  If those headlights hadn't turned into thelot, he would have shown her what a real man was like!"



 



               Kiki turned her head lazily to watch old Mrs. Carter's goody-goodygranddaughter pull her beetle into the driveway next door.  Guess shedidn't have anything better to do on a Sunday afternoon than to run errands forthe old bat, (considering she had a figure like a boy and legs like Olive Oylfrom the Popeye cartoons.)  Her hair looked like she'd stuck her finger ina light socket or something.  How she ever scrunched herself in to thatdinky car anyway was a mystery.  Good, she pulled far enough into thedrive not to block Mikey's view.  He's a nerd, but maybe if Biff noticedhim 



Double ifs. Did you meanone of them to mean  (she?) Is Kiki stilldoing the talking here?



 

looking he'd get alittle jealous.  Now there's a real hunk!  Kiki considered getting upand casually strolling over to ask if he wanted a cold drink -- it being so hotand all.  She wondered if ma would notice if she snagged a  couple of beers?  Biff didn't look likethe type to go for a diet coke. 



               Michael Tanner grunted as he hauled another strand of Bermuda-grass out of hisexperimental (bloom all growing season) bed of bulbs.  Ah here sheis.  He sat back on his heels to watch Ariana flow out of her cute redcar.  She stretched like a panther and moved gracefully up the walk,tossing her cloud of raven curls back.  Her hair gleamed like ruffledmidnight satin against the red top she wore with her tapered jeans.  Shemoved like a dancer making walking a symphony of motion.  Maybe he shouldcut some of the red tulips that matched her shirt and take them over to Mrs.Carter when Ariana came back with the groceries.  They might invite him infor iced-tea and some of those chocolate chip cookies with cashews Mrs. Carterbaked.  Michael shoved his glasses back up on his freckled nose and wishedhe were taller.  Ariana would never pay attention to a guy who had to lookup to meet those beautiful brown eyes with the amber flecks in them.  Ifthey did invite him in, he could at least watch her laughing and talking withher grandmother for awhile.  As he bent to resume his weeding, he notedthat Kiki was out trying to catch the attention of Bertram Mathews, theincredible hulk across the street.  He hoped she didn't end up with apainful sun-burn for her trouble.  Poor little butter-cup was wasting hertime on that moron.  The jerk wasn't worth half the effort she put intothe project. 



 



               Delia Carter leaned out of her wheelchair to pull back the curtains.  Sheheard the distinctive burr, like an overgrown lawn mower, of hergranddaughter's ridiculous little slug-bug as it turned into the drive. Ariana Marie Carter, you're late as usual my girl!  A fond smile touched Delia'slips, as she watched Arie unfold from the car and arch her spine.  Lord!The girl was wearing one of those elastic tube tops that barely covered enoughto be decent!  The red shade was nice though.  It made her skin glowlike mother-of-pearl.  It brought out the highlights in the black maneflowing in a glossy cascade over the girl's bare-shoulders.  She hadDavid's height and Amanda's high cheekbones and delicate features.  Shewas definitely going to be a heart-breaker when she finally out-grew the coltishstage -- not like that chubby little Vanderholt girl next door.  By thetime Kiki (what a silly name) reached thirty, her bust would be drooping downto her navel.  By then, Arie would have become an eleganthead-turner.  Delia reached for her shopping list as she watched the childlope up the walk.



 



               Danny Martinez slowed his Mustang as he turned on to the street.  Yeh,there was the shit-head messing with the engine of his crappy old junker. Witnesses?  A babe across the street--looked like maybe she was asleep, askinny kid going into the house next to that and an old guy digging in the dirt-- no problemo!  Danny checked to see if Angel was ready.



 



               "Angel-of-death, that's me, steady the barrel of the gun on the frame ofthe open car window.  Time to say bye-bye ass-hole, gently squeeze thetrigger." 



 



               At the crack of the gunshot, Arie spun to see the old Ford with chrome rimsspeed up to lay down rubber as it rounded the corner.  She watched inhorror as the Mathews guy slowly slid off the engine of his car and crumpled tothe ground.   A red stain blossomed on his dirty tee-shirt.



 



              "Granddee call for an ambulance and phone the police! Someone’s beenshot!" Arie sprinted across the street.



 



               Michael Tanner jumped at the loud bang.  He glanced at the car that hadjust passed.  It sped up and squealed into the turn onto Oak at the end ofthe block.  He noted that the license-plate read (494 DAY).  AtAriana's shout, his eyes followed her dash across the street to kneel besideBert Mathews.  He scrambled to his feet to follow her to offer what helphe could. 



 



               Kiki looked through her lashes as the forest green car approached. She wonderedif she should shop for a coat in that shade for school next fall.  It wasa good color to bring out the green of her eyes and the gold of her hair. She saw that the Mexican guy driving was checking her out as the carslowed.  The second guy was turned away, but he looked to be a greasertoo.  She frowned at the loud back-fire and wrinkled her nose in disgustas the old heap sped up and turned the corner.  She yawned and then jerkedto a sitting position as Carrie? Mary? Terrie? whatever her name was  ranacross the street.  She began to scream when she saw Biff lying on theground in a widening pool of blood. 



 Who did thescreaming?



               Delia Carter had turned her chair away from the window to greet Ariana when hergranddaughter spun back out of the doorway shouting about police and anambulance.  Delia reached for the cell phone holstered at her waist. Shewheeled to the open door to see what had gotten Ariana all worked up.  Asshe dialed, she saw Mike Tanner run across to join Arie, where she kneltchecking for a pulse in the wrist of the man on the ground. "Oh lord! itwas that hoodlum, the Mathews boy!"  Mike's ash-blonde head bentclose to Arie's ebony one.  He pulled a bandana from his pocket andappeared to be pressing it against the wound.  "Good! Arie hadsomeone sensible to help her until the authorities arrived."  



 



               Officer Jeff Phelps frowned as he finished keying in his notes from theeye-witness accounts.  God he hated these drive-by shootings.  Atleast this one seemed to have gone off without involving any innocent littlekids or anything.  The license number was a bust.  It came off a maroon SUV that belonged to the manager of a super market six blocks from theshooting.  The owner had no idea when it had been lifted, since he alwaysparked his car at the back of the lot where he worked.  The victimappeared to be the type to get himself into trouble, but had no known gangaffiliation.  Too bad he was DOA and couldn't explain why anyone wanted toput out his lights.  This one was probably not going to go anywhere,unless they could tie him to a particular run-in with one of the Hispanicstreet gangs.  Even then, looking for an older dark green muscle carwasn't going to be that easy." 



 



               Angel sat on the edge of Anita's bed, gently stroking the silky dark hairspread across the pillow.  "It's going to be okay Mija.  Thatbastard won't ever try to lay a hand on you or hurt any other girl again! I have to get back to base now, cuz my unit is shipping out to the middleeast.  You do good in school and try to forget that pendejo everexisted.  Danny will look out for you.  Say your rosary for me andthe guys every night chica."  Sergeant Angela Martinez kissed hersister's cheek, squared her shoulders, rising to stride out of the room.  



 



 


Sally
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