[Critique Group 1] November critiques, 2021

[Deanna Noriega]

Cleora,

Entitled

The first line is an incomplete sentence. Try, the word) entitled,) means
believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special
treatment.

Who is they? It appears that politicians are promising us those politicians
are promising someone that they are free to do something to our youth. It
isn't clear who that is.

(You are entitled to someone else to pick up the tab for your choice. This
whole sentence is confusing. Perhaps you should put a period after deadly
virus. If you left the but out and ended the next phrase (and after as a
result of your decision. The next part is also confusing. There seems to be
too many repetitions of the word, to here.  

 

Leonard

Sand Dune Marchers

 

Nestled in a nest doesn't feel as if it flows well. Perhaps cradled?

The last line needs a question mark.

I would suggest The Pilgrims as a title.

I like the use of language.

 

New Year Resolve

A good chapter further developing the isolation of the main character and
the hostility of the town to outsiders. Also, the reluctance of Veronica to
engage with the locals makes her appear a bit of a judgmental and sarcastic
person who makes no effort to engage the people of the town. Claudia has put
her foot in it, but doesn't know how to undo the bad impression she left.
Still, it does appear that the town is being judgmental of the two young
women too. Why should Pete think that two well educated attractive young
women would be interested in a person who waits tables and works two jobs.
He doesn't make any effort to be friendly or engaging himself. 

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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