[Critique Group 1] My critiques for August 2021

[Deanna Noriega]

Critique for August 2021

 

Sally

You are missing a space between the words: explained and they. You also need
a space between the words (swaying to) and the title "All the Way to the
River"

I loved the image of your parents dancing. When Curtis and I were on our
25th anniversary cruise, there was an older couple that had met during the
war who performed a lively jitterbug for us. Dancing doesn't really require
grace or talent. It can be purely for the enjoyment of the dancer. One of my
coworkers dances in her power wheelchair every chance she gets. Moving to
music is in everyone who has a sense of rhythm. I bet it was your mother who
talked your dad into taking the lessons. She already knew how to dance.

 

Leonard

Accidents

Needs a better title.

(When you think you see, but you don't)

Blithely riding through the ample breach, discover ed (unnecessary space,
should read discovered)

This essay seems truncated.

There should be some kind of conclusion.

 

Cleora

In the sentence: One of these has been my frustration with the ability of
the typical care giver. I think you mean the "lack"

of ability to perform their duties shown by the typical care giver.

I believe I have figured out what the 

’ that popped up in last month's article is supposed to be. When I
replaced these letters and symbols with an apostrophe, the words made sense
in the context where they appear. I’m became I'm, doesn’t became
doesn't and hasn’t becomes hasn't.

 

Marcia

Black Balled

Well written. 

Good use of descriptive language. 

You are moving the story along well. 

No suggestions or changes.

 

 

DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

Cell: 573-544-3511

Email:  <mailto:dqnoriega at gmail.com> dqnoriega at gmail.com

Author of Fifty Years of Walking with Friends

https://www.dldbooks.com/dqnoriega/

 

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