[Critique Group 1] Critiques May 27 2020

[Deanna Noriega]

Cleora,

Another World

Elective surgeries must wait. Elective needs a capital letter

No kidney transplants, now. (word now, not necessary.

Can we remove the tumor? Suggest: Can the tumor be removed?

You must wait. Change to I must wait, or That must wait.

Where All is well. If you want to emphasize "all" perhaps bold or italics.

Abortions should be capitalized. Misspelled essential.

She speeds to her ivory tower. She needs a capital.

Let them eat frozen yoghurt. Eat doesn't need a capital letter.

 

Sally

I didn't see a title for this poem.

Perhaps, A cup of tea?

Lovely as always. Gentle, poignant and with a message of survival and
endurance.

 

Leonard

Two geese?? In the title, the word geese needs a capital letter, but you
have a typo of two question marks following the word Geese.

Whimsical. A few rough spots, but nothing that detracted from the gentle
pace. Unless you need it for poetic flow, I would delete the word "named,"
in the first line.

The ducks rarely go beyond this road. Should you say the geese or perhaps
fowl?

Form, changed to way?

Maintaining their advancing on webbed feet. Perhaps Maintaining their
advance on wide webbed feet.

Spaced out should probably be a compound word, spaced-out

 

Marcia

My Guitar

I couldn't seem much. Typo, see much

 

Again, ahead10 years. Perhaps moving ahead with a space between ahead and
10. 

Still needs a bit of polishing, but I liked the progression and the story.
Does your guitar now live with your grown-up daughter?

 

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