[Critique Group 1] Sally's June comments for DeAnna

[Sally Rosenthal]

DeAnna,  I am sitting here quietly awe-struck by how you have taught an
important truth to those who didn't know it without hitting people over the
head.  Very subtle and very effective.  I am not sure if my screenreader is
reading the piece correctly, but I only hear one line break which can't be
right for a piece of this length and with conversation.  I am not familiar
with the terms "band" and "clan."  The only group collective name I know is
"tribe" and suspect other readers might be similarly clueless.  In the
sentence about Lisa twisting her pencil, take out the part about not seeming
to have written anything and change it to not having written anything since
her aunt should know by looking at the paper if there is any writing on it.
You REALLY have to publish this series or get them to a wider audience
somehow.

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://bluegrasspals.com/pipermail/group1/attachments/20200623/7c5ac96a/attachment.html>