[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments on Maria's sub for June

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

I'm not sure I sent this.


It is a good summary of your father’s life.  

It gets all the important details in ,both statistical and human interest.  

I’ve made a few suggestions below.  

 

EdwardThomas Walford, 95, an honorable family man, teacher, outdoorsman, and WWIIveteran, passed peacefully at his longtime Colorado Springs home XXX. XX, XXXX. He wasborn Oct. 17, 1924 To Edward and Rosina Walford in Indianapolis, Ind.At age 18, after graduating from Arsenal Technical High School, young Edward enlisted in the Army AirCorps and served as a B-24 navigator during WWII. He had never before flown inan airplane or been out of his home state. Assigned to the 380thBomb Group of the 5th Air Force, he flew 40 missions over thePacific out of Darwin, Australia and Mindora Island, Philippines.Everyone in his crew made it home safe.

 

Thereturning veteran earned a chemical engineering degree at PurdueUniversity in Indiana where he met Barbara Jean Hall, hisfuture bride. They marries in Washington D.C. Jan. 31, 1948. The coupleresided in Baltimore, WashingtonD.C., England,Michigan, New Mexico,Colorado, and Virginia –six assignments with the Air Forceproduced six children with six different birth places.

The use of the hyphen is confusing.  

Especially when it is perceived by a screenreader.  

A period followed by a new sentence  shouldbe considered.

 After advancing to the rank of lieutenantcolonel, Ed retired from his 21-year Air Force career in 1968, and Colorado Springs becamethe family’s permanent home. 

 

EdWalford then launched a second civilian career teaching chemistry at Cheyenne Mountain High School.He co-authored a best-selling high school chemistry textbook, and exchanged ayear of teaching with a colleague from England. Once again retired, Ed washonored as a Distinguished Visiting Professor at the Air Force Academy in XXXX.He will again be honored with a military burial on the beautiful grounds of theAFA at the base of the Rocky Mountains whichhe loved, rejoining his wife.

 

EdWalford was “DOD” or “Dear Old Dad” to two sons and four daughters; he was“Papo” or “Poppo” (depending upon your persuasion) to four grandsons, fourgranddaughters, and five great-grandchildren. He was “Mr. Walford” to his highschool chemistry students, and “Col. Walford” to cadets at the Air ForceAcademy. 

Consider making a new parragraphhere.  It is abrupt change of topic.

Edloved to explore the Rocky Mountains. As amember of the Colorado Mountain Club, he summited 33 14ers   

What does 14ers mean?

,and he participated in the Add-a-Man hike up Pikes Peakfor New Year’s Eve 1982.

 

Edintroduced his six children to downhill skiing at “Cooper Hill,” as theLeadville ski area was known in the early 1960s. Lace up leather boots andcable bindings mounted on long wood skis were the norm. Season lift passes forthe family were $7.00 each, and investment of $56 for the hard-working teacher.

 

Adevout Catholic, Ed required his troop of children attend the “skiers’ Mass”with him at 6:00 a.m. before hitting the slopes if it was a Sunday. Heencourage his children on hikes with the promise of a Dairy Queen on top.Skiing and hiking with Dad were cherish activities.

 

Edis survived by six children, Ed Jr., Victoria, Marcia and Jennifer of Colorado Springs; David of Vail, CO; and Gillian of Laramie, WY.

 

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