[Critique Group 1] leonard's comments on DeAnna's piece for Jan

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

This is a wonderful description of Grandpas House. Indescribing it, there is a picture painted of a life style .  



 



 



bit. It is now 300 words.



 



Grandpa’s House



By DeAnna Quietwater Noriega



 



The Texassunset paints the west with reds and orange. Five-year old feet inPatton-leather shoes tap up the steps to the porch. The screen door squeaks andthey tread the linoleum of the hall. 



The lines up to this point are particularly artistic.



To the left is the big room with the fireplace. Grandmaand grandpa’s room is through there and connects to the dining room beyond. Tothe right of the hall, is the locked door to daddy’s brother’s room. He drownedlong ago.Next to the forbiddenroom 



This puts the story in a class by itself to casuallymention that he died.



is the room where Pedro, Grandpa’s ranch hand lives. Thestrains of his harmonica float out of there. Straight ahead, the bare boards ofthe screened porch begin. This is where Grandma’s ringer washing machine andthe basin for washing hands wait. The dining room is the first on the left withthe door to the kitchen next and at the end of the porch is the door to theroom with the toilet. Ducks are gathering out the side door demanding corn.They come up from the lake which is where the water is piped for the handbasin, washer and toilet. It also is pumped to fill the stock tank in the frontyard. On hot days, it is fun to splash and play in that concrete tank as if itis a swimming pool.  Lace-trimmed socks are tucked into Sunday shoes,before they are dropped in the corner of the Living room. Small Apache feetglory in the freedom and are ready to scamper out to answer the call of theducks, or to see if grandma needs them to run fetch a bucket of water from therain barrel. The smell of tortillas toasting on the griddle and the slap thumpof them being flipped and rolled flat, drift from the kitchen.  



This brings it into the present by telling what  thechildren are expected to do ,  and all the things that go on in the house.



. 



 



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-----Original Message-----
From: tuchyner5--- via Group2 <group2 at bluegrasspals.com>
To: tuchyner5 <tuchyner5 at aol.com>
Cc: Critique Group 2 <group2 at bluegrasspals.com>
Sent: Tue, Feb 4, 2020 7:14 pm
Subject: [Critique Group 2] (no subject)


Thisis a wonderful description of Grandpas House. In describing it, there is apicture painted of a life style .  

 

 

bit. It is now 300 words.

 

Grandpa’s House

By DeAnna Quietwater Noriega

 

The Texas sunset paints thewest with reds and orange. Five-year old feet in Patton-leather shoes tap upthe steps to the porch. The screen door squeaks and they tread the linoleum ofthe hall. 

Thelines up to this point are particularly artistic.

Tothe left is the big room with the fireplace. Grandma and grandpa’s room isthrough there and connects to the dining room beyond. To the right of the hall,is the locked door to daddy’s brother’s room. He drowned long ago.Next to theforbidden room 

Thisputs the story in a class by itself to casually mention that he died.

isthe room where Pedro, Grandpa’s ranch hand lives. The strains of his harmonicafloat out of there. Straight ahead, the bare boards of the screened porchbegin. This is where Grandma’s ringer washing machine and the basin for washinghands wait. The dining room is the first on the left with the door to thekitchen next and at the end of the porch is the door to the room with thetoilet. Ducks are gathering out the side door demanding corn. They come up fromthe lake which is where the water is piped for the hand basin, washer andtoilet. It also is pumped to fill the stock tank in the front yard. On hotdays, it is fun to splash and play in that concrete tank as if it is a swimmingpool.  Lace-trimmed socks are tucked into Sunday shoes, before they are droppedin the corner of the Living room. Small Apache feet glory in the freedom andare ready to scamper out to answer the call of the ducks, or to see if grandmaneeds them to run fetch a bucket of water from the rain barrel. The smell oftortillas toasting on the griddle and the slap thump of them being flipped androlled flat, drift from the kitchen.  

Thisbrings it into the present by telling what the children are expected to do , and all the things that go on in the house.

.

 
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