[Critique Group 1] Critiques for 1-16-2019

[Deanna Noriega]

I am up and about again, just a bit shaky on my balance. I have a trainer
coming on Wednesday from my school to help me address some of my issues with
the little coyote. Here are my notes on the last session.

Leonard,

Future of War

 

The Mohicans own a casino in New York stqate and a reservation in Wisconsin.
I doubt they are large in numbers, but have not ceased to be recognized as
an existing tribe.

I am not prone to philosophy, thus found this piece required me to stop and
think to grasp each point. Overall, I think the piece makes some valid
points in a gentle manner. I don't understand the need for conflict and
didn't grasp your central point.

 

 

Marcia,

Ciara's First Steps

I wasn't comfortable with the line: (bring-out your Dad's exotic Hispanic
side.) Perhaps: (Display your Dad's exotic Hispanic features or looks.)

 

Cleora

Chapter 7 of Sly Duck

I am still unsure why you begin each new chapter with a recap. In it, you
used the word crippled when injured might more politically correct.

The phrase: (blanket of large hail) didn't seem to fit since hail is a type
of weather like rain or snow. You should have used hailstones as you would
snowflakes or raindrops.

I wasn't sure if you had a typo when you wrote (shadow mhail) and meant to
write shadow mail.

In the phrase: (tossed the banner to the commander, who caught it, broke it
in half, and threw it on the ground.) Since a banner is usually fabric,
perhaps it would work better to say: (tore it in half and tossed it to the
ground.)

When you had Sitting attack the soldier, you misspelled the part of the foot
she bit. The word should be spelled, (heel) and not (heal)

You misspelled it twwice in the next sentence as well.

 

Sally,

Night Wind

I liked the poem. I don't see anything I would change. Your poem sare always
evocative of a strong feeling or mood. This one evokes a mood of fatigue and
colored with pain. The desire to postpone dealing with anything until
tomorrow is also evident. I am glad you are feeling able to join us again.
Constant pain is draining and can lead to depression which makes it hard to
feel able to do anything.

 

  

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