[Critique Group 1] Critiques for April 24 2019

[Deanna Noriega]

Cleora, Part Ten

There is an error in word choice in the line that ends put it all behind her
and (hid should be head) south.

In the sentence where Sitting is recaptured and tied back up in a bag, the
word (synched) should be (cinched).

In the line that says: (either of your lies,) I think she is talking about
not wishing to hear lies from either the demon or grasshopper. Try : (lies
from either of you.)

In the line where she hears retreating steps, you have written steppes, (the
geographic kind.)

When you mention Sitting: (had drank it all. It should be written (drank it
all) or (had drunk it all.)

When you mention her sniffing the pellets, you wrote sniffed of it. Try:
sniffed them. When you wrote tasted like fish, you need a period after fish,
since the next word is capitalized.

I think you moved the story along well with less digression. I noted the
typos I found, but feel the story worked well otherwise.

 

Leonard

Leaves' Whispers

I didn't care for the title, Perhaps, The Whispers of Leaves

Might work better.

I had trouble following the line breaks. Perhaps this is because looking at
a braille display, the sentences were too long. I wondered if you meant this
to be a prose poem. I think the poem worked, and don't find any other things
to comment on.

 

Sally

Waiting

I liked the poem very much. I was a bit confused by the different lengths of
stanzas but did see that each completed a thought.

You captured a beautiful analysis of the creative process. Even when life
drains us of the energy or the time to actually sit down to write, the poet
in our heads takes notes.

 

Marcia

Bathrooms for the Blind

I had to read the first line a couple of times before I could untangle it in
my mind. I think the problem was that you wrote sound track as two words. I
opened a word document and tried them as a compound word and spellcheck
didn't object. It appears that even using them as a hyphenated word worked
too. The word (Plays) following "Psycho" shouldn't be capitalized.

The word )proverbial) is misspelled with the Letter V, transposed with the
letter B.

Don't forget the rare but occasional foot control button to flush a toilet! 

You end the line with a period after the word box. You will need a capital
letter on the word (the) in the sentence: The screeching in my ears
increases.

This piece is humorous but all too recognizably accurate. When I am training
a new dog, I add find sink, find trash to the list of find commands along
with find stall. By preference, my dogs do look for the large one, but I
have also worked with them to back in beside the commode or lie down so that
I can close the door over their back if that one is unavailable. 

Sorry I needed to leave abruptly. See you next month!  

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