[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments re: Martia's Sept. piece

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

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Wed, Sep 19, 2018 9:42 pm
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The use of metaphor and imagery is superb. Ialso saw other poetic devices  includingrhyumes and  alliteration They all seemedto flow very naturally. Great job.

 

Measuring Words

Marcia J. Wick, The Write Sisters

September 2018

Word Count:  295

 

As a school girl, I mastered the art of cursivewriting, spinning words like silk thread across the blank page. The empty lineson the looseleaf paper beckoned like a road map.  

·       I remember those days of penmanshipclasses.  Only we used pens that wedipped in inkwells as though the pens were quills. Push pulls and circles.

My pencil pressed looping letters onto thepliable surface; tilted words advanced left to right, curling and crashing likeocean waves onto the shoreline. I rested my pencil and 

·       Wonderful poetic imagery.

turned to the typewriter in college. It waslike changing the channel from classic rock to heavy rap.  Aaa…bbb…ccc…The alphabet was scattered willy nilly like tiddly winks on the first keyboardI fingered. Punching buttons, I struggled to string the erratic letters, likepopping corn, into a recognizable pattern…bat…cat…bad. Metal hammers striking aribbon of indelible ink pressed sharp-edged shapes onto the page, marching inline like stilted soldiers to an uncertain future. 

I love this line. The uncertain future makesme think of writing a piece  withoutknowing its ending, or knowing how it will come together, or not knowingwhether it will have any merit.

 

Over time, my brain connected the random dotsand the cadence of keystrokes smoothed. 

·       Is the reference to dots connected at allwith Braille?

The typewritten words appeared more crediblethan handwritten notes; the serif strokes seemed more serious than smudgedpencil. Ideas floated off the page like a butterfly on a breeze. Although thetyped copy was resistant to erasure, my editor still struck out unnecessarywords with his trusty #2. 

 

·       I’m a little confused about what created theserif strokes. I know there are some forms of type that have serif strokes, butalso long-hand writing can be embellished in that way. The number 2 lead  pencil was the only one allowed in my school.

 

Transposed into newsprint, my stories scatteredlike pollen as newspapers flew onto porches and sections were strewn aboutkitchen tables, coffee shops, and board rooms. Paragraphs pulsed off the frontpage, taking flight, conjuring images in the reader’s eye. 

·       I love these 3 lines. The imagery andmetaphor are great.

Again, time warped my words like plastic in themicrowave. Massive distribution channels and the proliferation of photographsand graphics trivialized the copy. Social media minimized the meaning of thewords. Like mosquitos swarming your eyes and buzzing your ears, the only coursewas to lock out the digital chaos, the truth vanishing before the end of thestory.

·       I agree.

 
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