[Critique Group 1] Critiques for May

[DQ Noriega]

Sally,

Laurence's Promise

I loved the poem. The only thing I would suggest changing is the two lines
beginning with the (this.) In thesecond line of the poem, I would use the
word (the) instead.

I didn't think there was any problem with the two mentions of his breed, but
you might try broad heavy head if you wanted to make a change here. Or, you
could use Labrador and retriever the second time.

 

Cleora

Why Cockatiel Wings Cross

In the first sentence,the phrases that mention humans invented clocks and
the ending phrase but not as many as there are now don't seem to fit
together.

I would drop the end phrase starting from the (but.) You might try (to
announce morning and start their day. 

I would change would launch to launched. If you do decide to change the
tence, then would stand to stood needs to be done. You need to change their
head to their heads. When you talk about the changes and in the feathers on
top of their heads.

 

Leonard,

A Robin's Fortune

In the line about their quarrels, loves would be more constant than love
since it comes between quarrels and dreams. I thought of cats as likely
predators. They will travel on fences and can jump from one high branch to
another when they want to avoid dogs. Also, they play with their kills and
don't always eat it after it dies. They lose interest when it stops
twitching and find something else to play with.

 

 

Marcia,

This was a fun exercise of imagination. I think modern children get little
opportunity to use their minds in this passive play society where toys do
all the work.

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