[Critique Group 1] Leonard's comments re: Salley

[tuchyner5 at aol.com]

No matter how much praise I would lay at the feet of this piece, it would not be enough. “,” I am sorry that you have the material from which to write it. Nevertheless, keep writing. It helps.

 

 

“Aliens have abducted my husband,”

I tell myself as I throw another load

Of soiled laundry into the washer

And a voice snaps, “I will never

Go into a nursing home!”

·        Is this voice that of the writers, her memory of her husband’s voice or both?

 

In his place, they have left a shell

Of the man I married almost thirty years ago.

·        I know that the word ‘almost’ is probably meant to admit you are not absolutely sure of the accuracy of your numbering, or because it would take too many words to be more accurate. However, I think leaving ‘almost’ out, would make for a better line. No one will arrest you for not putting in a decimal point.

His polio-ravaged self betrays him with each wheelchair transfer.

Memory and bodily functions randomly fail.

The sharp intelligence that prepared briefs and argued in court

Can no longer follow novels’ plots or keep track of routines.

·        Terrific, powerful gut ranching verse.

 

Most friends, fearful of their futures or

At a loss, no longer call.

·        These last 2 lines sum it all up. They are teaching tools all by themselves.

Distant relatives remain so.

 

With a heavy sigh, my guide dog lies by my side.

My therapist listens as I describe

My place In this downward spiral.

 

 

Aliens have abducted my husband;

I wish they would return for me.

·        I think you left out ‘him’ in the above line.

 

 
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