[Critique Group 1] critiques for 3/1/17 session from cleora

[sitting.duck at springmail.com]

[comments for DeAnna: 
I like the description of each dog. Those that understand the different traits of the breeds can be anticipating the attitude and behavior of each dog.
I like Heidi's comment about cleaning up.
Funny about Rocko not being picked because of his bad behavior. It would have been interesting to expand on this some. Was Rocko doing this on purpose maybe to keep from being picked?
Maybe he knows he could end up as someone's pet instead of having to work as a guide dog.
This had a good start.
I like the introduction and ending referring to the dog house productions.
My original comment was that I expected more personality from the dogs. I read it again before sending in my comments and see that there is quite a bit of personality.
But, something is not quite right. I think what the dogs say is realistic, but the language sound stilted and a little human. 
Maybe reveal some pranks tried on their new handlers or more planning for future activity. Even some bragging would have been in character I think.
You said time got away from you so perhaps you didn't really have the time to develop it the way you might.
Description of doggie activity would add to it. Tail wagging or thumping. Foot gnawing. Some activity that is forbidden when the handler is not around.

Comments for bonnie blose 
I believe it could be cut down to half or one-third of its current length. I hear a lot of repetition.
example:
Glancing at the clock on the wall above her desk, Maggie was shocked to discover it was already 1-30 in the afternoon. 
Glancing up at the wall clock above her desk Maggie was shocked to see it was already 1:30pm. 18 words as opposed to 22
Try to make every word count and do double duty wherever possible. This Economy of writing is very important especially when trying to fit everything you want to say into a word count limit.
Further, does it really matter to the piece what kind of clock it is, or that it is above the desk?
I like the piece overall and her reflections on how life used to be and the need to set aside time for other. A good lesson for myself since I tend to get caught up in stuff to do.

comments for Ann: 
Very dramatic and engaging beginning.
You might change the part where she introduces herself to Cole to say something like. "I'm Amy, the assistant manager," I said uselessly seeing his eyes focused on my tag.
The sections on how they met and background leading up to the beginning is long. I wanted to know what was happening in the present. Could you return and show their progress in between the *** section and the +++ section?]

comments for marilyn:
I read it again thinking about your comment about statue of liberty and lady liberty being mentioned too close together. I noticed this when I read it the first time and recalled your past comments on this kind of thing. But, I think it is enough to change the manner of reference. I don't think it is too close at all, and will not be a problem if you don't find a better way to place them.
This is a very nice piece. I wish I had the time to really sit and read it with the reflection it deserves. The looking back and thinking about what people went through past near past and present. How different our lives are and how much the same.

comments for Mary-Jo 
Very amusing. I'm not sure if one of the lines was referring to even hearing it playing over and over in your head when you weren't hearing it on the radio or not.
It was so amusing because I can kind of relate. I never listened to the radio much. As an adult I would listen in the car, and as I got older I listened  to talk or news radio. Not because I don't like music. I love it. Live music that is. The old fashioned record has a sort of scratchy static sound that either only I can hear or that doesn't bother anyone else. So, I can relate in a way.
On the call last night, I could never understand the name of the song. My ears, like many other parts, just don't work very well any more. I would still love to know the name of the song if you could maybe send it to me in an email. I promise, it will not upset me.
cleora