[Critique Group 1] DeAnn's critiques for 3-1-17

[DeAnna Noriega]

Bonnie 

Time for aChange

This sentence felt awkward to me (remembered the music of the water as it
lapped the rocks as it floweed around her.) It made it sound as if she was
standing on rocks in the middle of the stream. Maybe as it flowed past her? 

You have a problem I share in that you write run-on sentences. Try breaking
them up into smaller bites.

 

Cleora,

Children of Dust

Pterosaur's would be my suggestion. It does need an apostrophe to indicate
whose ear we are talking about.

You have a lot of animals from different eras mixed up here. Terosaurs,
birds, unless you want to indicate that God created them all at once. 

I would leave the word back out of either one or even both in the lines for
waving back, shouted back.

The Bible verses distract from the flow of the story without adding
anything.

 

Mary Jo

That song

Good tempo and flow,

I am confused about the stanza structure.

 

Marilyn,

The Crossing

I had tears in my eyes over some of the clips. The only one I think you
missed is the crossing of the land bridge on foot of the first immigrants
following the herds in to our new land. Great work.

 

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